By David Himmel

• There’s so much shit going on that if a civil war were to occur, most of us wouldn’t even know what side we’re fighting for or against. America, like a cranky toddler, needs a goddamn nap.

• With every new busted relationship, a favorite flower becomes a fauna of fuckery.

• The ends of roads arrive when there’s nothing more to be said. Like the fork in the road, you have a choice. Turn around and find the path that’ll take you where you need to go now or stand at the end and stare off into the abyss of nothingness and waste the rest of your life.

• Connecting flights are the work of the devil.

• Never mind living, laughing, and loving. Just be sure you don’t break down. That’s step one.

• A good night’s sleep is just as important to your health as a night’s good bender.