By David Himmel

• It just dawned on me that the patient in the board game Operation was naked.

• During rush hour on cramped public transit, the polite thing to do is remove your backpack and hold it at your side. Also, stick a piece of gum in your mouth. None of us deserve your morning coffee or dry afternoon breath. 

• Chasing happiness as an absolute state of being is a stupid game designed to disappoint at every moment.

• Right now, CNN is your angry ex-boyfriend. It knows it screwed up by giving Trump that airtime in that way, but it’s not going to admit fault. Ever.

 • When you look like Diane Feinstein did returning to the Capitol, it’s time to leave the Senate. I don’t trust this woman not to piss herself, let alone make reasonable voting decisions that affect the lives of millions.

• I always get a little nervous when I wake up and feel really good about the day ahead.