By David Himmel

• My great hope for my children is that it’ll be easier for them to change Internet providers than it was for us.

• I am convinced that the dishwasher was invented by divorce attorneys.

• Martha Stewart is coming for Betty White’s place as America’s favorite old white woman. Stewart is ahead because we don’t just want to hang out with her, we want to bang her. Stewart’s only real competition is Dolly Parton. So, you gotta ask yourself, do you want be sung to sleep with a country lullaby or have your bed sheets ironed? Either way, it’s a good thing.

• A murder in your neighborhood is a great talking point among neighbors. Really brings the block together.

• Hot Take: Oasis is better than Blur.

• “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me,” is an idiotic phrase. Words can hurt. Rhetoric matters. There is power in the oratory. It’s a phrase adults tell kids less as life advice and more as a way to get them to stop tattling evey time they get called a poo-poo face on the playground.