by Joe Janes

Even though Donald Trump continues to dominate the polls as the favored republican presidential candidate for 2024, many GOP hopefuls have joined the race, including Chris Christie, former governor of New Jersey.

Running for president means running against Trump.

How do they address the orange elephant in the room? 

Chris Christie – “I’m not Trump.” Former presidential lap dog Christie is drawing a line in the sandy closed-to-the-public beach saying, “My tan is real.”

Ron DeSantis – “Did you like Trump? I’m worse.” The gay hating book banner went on to say, “Trump complains about what’s wrong and blames democrats for not doing anything about it. I am actively fucking shit up. What you hate is what I hate, so let’s feed Micky Mouse and his drag queen friends to the alligators.”

Nikki Haley – “I’m Trump in a dress. People can vote for me and exclaim, ‘See? We don’t hate women.’ Wow, we really do hate women and I’m happy to Aunt Tom the shit out of this. ”

Mike Pence – “Oh, I’ll be worse than Trump. I’ll do the same awful things and more, but will just shut up about it. You won’t know what I did until it’s too late.

Tim Scott – “I’m black, but not too black for Trump supporters. Just black enough to be charming and non-threatening. I’m the GOP’s answer to Barack Obama except I’m Christian and from America.”

Donald J. Trump – “I’m probably the most like me. I’d vote for me. Even though the elections are rigged. If elected, I’ll do away with elections altogether. Why would anyone want anyone else for president once they have me? I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot a baby and wouldn’t lose any of my supporters. Especially after I explain the baby was gay and wanted to be aborted. Not on my watch.”