By David Himmel

• My grandmother might disown me and Rory Zacher might kick me out of Ribbed for Our Pleasure, the coolest and sexiest bbq club in Chicago, for saying this, but it needs to come off my chest… As far as early rock ‘n’ roll goes, Little Richard is superior to Elvis Presley.

• One of my favorite things is reading instructions for products that were clearly put together by non-English-speaking monkeys with no design skills.

• Give a mouse a budget and it’ll say, “Fuck off. 

• I have a closet full of luggage stuffed with grudges. But I’m such a fantastic packer that the grudges don’t weigh me down or hold me up, and there’s always room for more.

• Seeing Trump get indicted over and over is like being a teenage boy unhooking a bra: The result we’re hoping for just ain’t gonna happen. It’s a nice effort though.

• If Kanye West is ever going to make a comeback, it should be an album where he raps over Woody Allen’s brand of clarinet-based jazz.