By David Himmel

The problem with having exes is that they never go away. Even if you never speak to them again and avoid them on social media networks and never run into them at the grocery store or any other public place, exes occupy our memories. They may lay claim to shaping the person we are now. The experience with that ex is a permanent fixture of our truth.

But not all exes are a problem. Some become friends. Some become harmless strangers you scroll past on Instagram or stop and play catch-up with through small talk when you do run into them at the grocery store.

Exes, like all things, exist on a spectrum. The one thing they have in common is that they are elements of your past. So, when they come calling long after that past was your present, it can elicit a range of emotions.

I was contacted by an ex the other day via email. Not an ex-girlfriend. Those remain, thankfully, quiet, likely steeped in their own lives thinking of me only by accident when their children or partner annoy them. I was contacted by an ex-employer.

A creative agency I worked with during my freelance days. An agency I enjoyed working with. An agency that was interested in bringing me on full-time to be their creative director. But because freelancing is a lot like dating, I broke up with this agency when my current employer came calling, wooing me with more money and more opportunity. But this agency and I parted on good terms. It was a tough break up because I did care about them, and they cared about me. But we move on. Time passes, we heal. The work keeps on working.

They emailed me hoping I was available for a small project. A brainstorm and a little copywriting. They told me they could be flexible with my full-time job schedule. I don’t need the money, but I could sure as hell use the money. Especially since we’re embarking on a big spend to repair, again, our flooded basement and take the necessary steps to prevent it from happening again. So, I accepted their invitation.

We met. We brainstormed. I wrote. That was that. It was fast, painless, and fun. It was nice to see my old co-workers, collaborators, friends at that agency. But it felt kinda funny. Like I was cheating on my current agency. One I love and am fully committed to and have no interest in leaving. Was it cheating? I don’t think so. I was having a slow week, so my dalliance with my ex-agency did not affect my current agency at all—not the work, not the time spent. A one off. Nothing to feel bad about. Right? It’s just money, purely transactional. I’m not still in love.

Exes, no matter what kind, will stir up all sorts of feelings when they come out of the woodwork asking you for a quick roll in the hay just for old time’s sake. Or a business development quickie.