By David Himmel

• Ghiradelli chocolates suck.

• Heavy is the inbred head that wears the crown.

• A scotch, bug spray, a laptop, and the kids being asleep is the creative’s aphrodisiac.

• American success is built on speed, greed, and hurting people.

• The trick to getting high of little bumps of happiness is finding the thrill of the unknown.

• After seven years of marriage, I can confidently say that I’m fine with the farts.