by Wayne Lerner

“Hello, Alexander.  How do you feel today?”

“ Well, right at the moment, I’m a bit cold.”

”Do you know where you are?”

“I don’t have any idea.”

“You’re a donor, Alexander. Years ago, you agreed to donate your body to science.”

“They’re gonna carve up my body?”

”That’s what you agreed to.”

“Hold on!  I’m having second thoughts.”

“Can’t, Alexander. It’s too late for that.”

“Am I dead?”

“Yes, you are.”

“Then, how am I talking and to whom?”

“That’s a tough question but we’ll get to it in a bit.”

“Who’re those people standing over me?”

“Those are students, Alexander. You’re going to be their instructor in their journey about why the human body is so exquisite.”

“That’s very nice for them but I’m very uncomfortable with all this. I don’t remember agreeing to be carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey. “

“You signed the form when you were in your forties after talking with your wife. She signed the form, too.”

“Look! In our religion, we’re supposed to be buried with all of our organs intact.”

“Religion, huh? Who do you suppose wrote those rules you’re following? Some prophets thousands of years ago? That’s not what I told them. They took my words and twisted them to suit their purposes.”

“If that’s the case, what about the other religions? Did those folks do the same thing?”

”What do you think? If everyone believed in an Almighty…or whatever…why the hatred among the religions? Why? Because it’s politics. Humans are so susceptible to the aura of power. It gives them significant control over others.”

“Yes, I can see how that happens. Hey, they’re putting on those white gowns and goggles! And they’ve got a tray of sharp knives and an electric saw!”

“That’s right. They’re going to start your autopsy. First, they’ll put a towel over your face and hands. Then, they’ll say a prayer as a sign of respect before they start.”

“Wonderful,  but what are they going to do with my organs? Will they slice them up? Then what? Throw them away or put them back in my body?”

”That depends.”

“Depends on what?”

”Depends on the form you signed.”

“That reminds me of a Mel Brooks joke. Want to hear it?”

”Hear it? I wrote it. Who do you think gave it to Mel that night on the Carnegie Hall stage.It was one of my best. Got a big laugh.+

“Wait a minute. You wrote all his jokes. You wrote the rules of the various religions. Are you???”

”Yep, that’s me. Yahweh. The Lord. Allah. Take your pick of names.”

“Wow. This is crazy. You say I’m dead but I’m talking to God as these kids are going to prayerfully mutilate my body.”

“They won't mutilate it. They will gently and carefully explore the most important textbook they could find on the glory of the human body. They will stand in awe of evolution and science. They know that you, Alexander, lying there in front of them, came from a sperm and an egg. They will be in wonderment about the intricate system of cells, nerves, muscles, and bones which were born from that union. And, from that came Alexander, a living, thinking being who was so unselfish that you saw the virtue of passing on this knowledge from one generation to the next.”

“That’s a gratifying way to think about it. I never considered myself special. Just a guy with a family who did his job each day.”

“You did more than that. You helped unravel terrible crimes. Those responsible for innocent people dying paid for their transgressions.”

“I suppose so. I helped the authorities solve more than one crime, didn’t I?

“Yes, you did and you did it well. You asked the right questions and used critical thinking skills to be one of the very best coroners ever.” 

“I never thought about my work that way.”

“You mentored many who learned from you in difficult situations. Now, you are teaching once more. Relax, Alexander. Let’s hang around for a few more minutes and you’ll see what I mean.” 

“Why are there tears in their eyes? I’m just a dead body. They don’t know me.”

“They recognize you’re giving them a gift they will never be able to repay.”

“What happens now? “

“They start learning. Learning and thinking about what life really means. They will never forget this experience or you.”

“That’s a pleasant way to reflect on one’s end.”

“Oh, you’re not done. Come with me. I’ve got a new assignment for you.”