By David Himmel

• Fourth of July sales are a reminder that, yes, everything can be more affordable in this country.

• America succeeds because like most of us, on its birthday, it drowns its regrets in food, booze, and reckless behavior.

• The most patriotic thing our congressional representatives can do this Fourth of July is resign. Maybe spend a month in an opium den. Or better yet, a small town in the grips of an opioid crisis.

• America is in distress Therefore, there is nothing wrong with flying a flag upside down. It’s a sign of the times.

• Thank god for China for giving us fireworks. How else would we torture our dogs into thinking it’d be better we eat them than domesticate them? Oh, is that a racist stereotype about Koreans, not Chinese people? I’ve given up on keeping tabs on antiquated stereotypes. And I can’t decide if that makes me an ally or not.

• Yes, America is beautiful. Without We the People.