By David Himmel

• Don’t forget to light the candles these last few nights of Hanukkah.

• My Christmas tree drinks more water than I do.

• Israel thought it was getting Jerusalem as a capital city for Christmas this year. I guess it'll have to settle for that gift card to Ross Dress for Less.

• Drinking eggnog is like having Father Christmas hock a loogie down your throat.

• Mary giving birth in a manger seems far less complicated than giving birth at a modern-day hospital. And a whole lot cheaper when you consider the outrageous parking prices. I think I'll look into manger births. Can't be any dirtier than doing it in a tub.

• Shit. I totally forgot about Hanukkah.