By David Himmel

• I’m often reminded why I prefer to get drunk alone. It annoys fewer people including myself.

• I like my coffee the way I like my women: bitter.

• When I see an American flag as a decal on a pick-up truck window or a bald eagle presented as frightful and violent instead of regal on a decal, hat, t-shirt, etc., I get a little nervous. Common modern symbols of patriotism tend to focus around war or bombastic militaristic strength. Where the Flag should be a beacon of trust and safety for all citizens—American and global, if we’re to believe our own rhetoric—I see these things as cause for concern that it was displayed not by a true patriot of the United States, but by a nationalist who wants to bomb countries, push out brown people and listen to Toby Keith. I know I’m not wrong here, but I’m also not right. This is a gross generalization and a stereotype and this makes me no better than the people I think I ought to be afraid of. That said, I should be afraid of these people who do fit the stereotype. And so should you. Because they have it all wrong and they're winning.

• For as easy as it is to get on my nerves and upset me, it is just as easy to stay off my nerves and bring me joy. Once we figure out this little balancing act, we’ll be perfectly fine, you and I.

• The knowledge of easy orgasm and easy sex is kryptonite to emotion and ambition.

• I don’t mind traveling but it makes me miss my bidet.