By David Himmel

• I love my neighborhood—Wicker Park—but everything and everyone is more attractive in the Gold Coast. Money is handsome.

• Of all the places in this city where I drink and pee, my favorite place to do the latter is at the home of Don Hall and Dana Jerman. Their bathroom has porn on the walls. Not a lot of porn. Like three photos. And less smut, more art. The classy stuff. Like Hustler. Plus, the soap is free.

• A pregnant woman with small breasts makes me sad. Isn’t that one of the benefits of being with child—a huge rack?

• Every time my wife tells me she misses me, it makes me wish I was single again and void of any sort of accountability.

• It’s unfortunate that it takes national disasters, like what Hurricane-turned Tropical Storm Harvey did to Houston, to bring out the best in people. The best: selflessness, blind humanitarianism. It’s also unfortunate that before the waters of tragedy—metaphorically and literally—even recede, we revert back to our basic instincts, which is to be awful to each other. And most of the time, the first people to show their asses like this are those who offered little more than hopes and prayers and hide behind Twitter handles and the desks of news commentators.

• Drinking is like life; you won’t know how you’ll do until you stand up and try to walk.