Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of December 3, 2017
• This isn’t a topical thing but it’s something that’s regularly on my mind and the mind of my wife: Jennifer Garner needs to go. I don’t care what she’s doing, she needs to stop. Alias was cool. Beyond that, she’s been a grating presence; a girlish annoyance struggling to get through a marriage to an Oscar-winning meathead, Christian movies and commercials for a credit card. What’s the appeal? Is she talented? No. Is she pretty? Maybe. Is she kind? Probably. But since when does kindness get you a pass in Hollywood?
• You cannot save the forest by burning all the trees.
• Mensch on a Bench is stupid. It’s a lazy man’s cultural appropriation. Hey, Jewish people, stop it. Let the Christians have their Elf on a Shelf. Jews don’t need a stuffed toy to keep the kids in line. The Christians have Santa and his helpers—the elf on that shelf—keeping an eye on the kids. Jews have the wrath of the Old Testament God. So instead, put God on a Rod and leave it alone.
• To the morons go the spoils.
• An idea: A kid dies. The kid is long remembered for the things it loved and how it was when it died. But in heaven, things changed. The kid grew up in the clouds among the angels. The kid returns to mortal Earth as a ghost to ask people to stop remembering them the way they do. Because, you see, the kid no longer wants to be a baseball player or listens to Demi Lovato non-stop. “It’s okay,” the kid whispers into its mother’s ear, “you don’t have to cry every time you watch Camp Rock on Disney Channel. Trust me, Mom, this movie is fucking terrible. I’m into arthouse films now. And sports are stupid.”
• I used to know a librarian who had never heard of Hunter S. Thompson. That statement is the perfect symbol for why we’re not the great country we think we are.
