LITERATE APE

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Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of February 25, 2018

By David Himmel

• A grandmother's prayers are real just as a mother's spit is a stain remover.

• My pregnant wife could pop that kid out at any given moment. People keep asking me if I’m scared or freaking out or panicking. No. None of those things. I’m ready to get on with it. I have been for months. Let’s get this little turd out and get on with the New World Order. The sooner he’s here, the sooner he’ll be old enough to come sailing with his old man and have a conversation without shitting himself. That’s what I’m looking forward to.

• It’s March. I don’t care how cold it gets, I’m done wearing my heavy winter coat. Take that, Mother Nature, you kinky bitch.

• Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries is a better cereal than Cap’n Crunch’s Oops! All Berries. The berries make the cereal, sure, but too much of a good thing ain’t ever a good thing.

• As we watch the slow demise of Jared Kushner, my only hope is that he’s able to fix that whole Middle East thing before he’s gone forever.

• A bar crowded with white people at 5:30 p.m. on a weekday in Chicago's financial district both terrifies me and inspires me to be a better person.