By David Himmel

• Vince McMahon is bringing back the XFL. I attended an XFL game in Las Vegas back in 2001. It was the third saddest thing I’ve ever seen. The first saddest thing was my dead dog. The second was the last time I had sex with an ex-girlfriend and her naked body reminded me of her father in a bathing suit.

• Sometimes, when the ship is going down, it’s best to take a deep breath and go for a swim.

• Seth Meyers’ voice sounds like the impersonation we all do of that Lincoln Park, Big 10 recent alumna living off daddy’s Amex. And he thinks it’s just as cute as she does.

• A pencil with a completely consumed eraser with still three inches of wood and lead left is a metaphor for life: You’ve reached the point where you can no longer afford to make mistakes. Also, you’re probably stuck living with three inches of wood… You know what I mean.

• The greatest negative effect these intense times of Trump and vicious Identity Politics is that we missed the brief but heavy news that the baby from Ghostbusters II (1/2 of the baby, Hank had a twin brother who shared the role) killed himself back in June 2017. His name was Hank Deutschendorf, he was 29. He deserved a greater social media funeral than we gave him.

• I need to learn to speed read. Or just read slightly faster. Or Adderall.