By David Himmel

• Too many people think Red Dawn and Die Hard are documentaries.

• Kneeling during the national anthem is a horrific insult to our military. = Reasonable gun control would be foolish because people break laws no matter what so why bother?

• If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to name her Hope. Because that name for the first few years of her life will perfectly describe her. Hope will be cute and mostly full of shit.

• I want to know the last time Trent Thompson, the guy who has gotten nasty on my wife’s Facebook page with his libtard/snowflake/bootstrap arguments, made a donation to a charity or volunteered his time to help those at risk or in need, or gave blood, or did anything to actually make his community a better place by offering true assistance to those less fortunate. I imagine he doesn’t have time to do these things because he’s busy dry humping his gun safe or masturbating into a pair of Ivanka Trump shoes he keeps hidden from his wife, and insulting liberals because they want laws that won’t affect him in the least.

• After spending a few days in Dallas this week, I realize that what I consider scary does not align with what most people find scary. For example: I will jump out of a perfectly good airplane with a man named Anvil strapped to my back but I won’t walk to Dealey Plaza at night.

• If you live in the United States and you had a good week, you’re not paying attention.