By David Himmel

• The dirtiest roommates I’ve had have all been women. #TheFutureisFilthy #NastyWoman

• I’m a Cubs fan but I don’t really want the Cubs to win the World Series again. The last time they won Donald Trump was elected president. If you think those two incredibly inconceivable things aren’t related, you’re not paying attention.

• If my upstairs neighbors are found dead, I didn’t kill them. But I also will not miss them.

• I’m all for inclusion and equality but the Boy Scouts opening up to allow girls is a great overcorrection.

• In the age of internet debate, it is becoming abundantly clear to me those who have traveled and who have read, and those who have done little of either.

• Someone wake me when this whole flag fetish fad passes. You’re all boring me.