By David Himmel

• Walk the Dinosaur by Was (Not Was) might be the dumbest and one of the most well-constructed pop songs and music videos ever created. Go ahead, pull it up on YouTube. Now, good luck not singing it to yourself for the next four days.

• As a young pervert and budding writer, I absolutely read the articles in Playboy. Really, the writing in that magazine was always as high quality as the air brushing of boobies.

• We’re not supposed to have everything we want all at once. That’s why they pay us every two weeks.

• My mother is a wedding planner. My father is an attorney. They saved boat loads of money on both ends of their relationship.

• It’s really hard to repent when the religious service of repentance is being led by a Zionist who is ripping off his congregation and smiles the whole way through.

• You know it’s a good party and that you did your best when you split your pants in three different directions.