LITERATE APE

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Reasons I Went Home with Them: an Alphabet of One-Night Stands

By Elizabeth Harper

A seemed tormented and sad and was into history and Existentialism and porn and played basketball and piano.
B was planning on going to nursing school, and he saved me from the guy at the bar I didn't want to talk to.
C could talk about Foucault, philosophy, and sociology at length. I guess you could say he had me at "Foucault." And he played in a band.
D was thin and hyper-energetic and had actor-like mannerisms and was interested in political philosophy and economics.
E was Wiccan.
F was a young actor who reminded me of R, my lover 20 years ago. In fact F could have been our love child.
G explained to me his fear of being poisoned and the unfairness of mortality.
H could draw and had beautiful hands.
I said I was the coolest girl ever.
J said he wanted me to be the mother of his children.
K 's cologne drove me crazy and he was a great kisser.
L  was impressed when I read my paper on Plato and Anne Sexton at a party.
M was a fan of the poet Mark Strand, could dance for hours straight, drank vodka, smoked cigarettes, looked like Ben Folds, and was a great kisser.
N was a liberal-thinking lawyer with an obscure vinyl record collection.
O said no one understood him like I did.
P came up to me in a bar and said he had seen me read at Peace Fest and that I was amazing, when I thought I had bombed.  
Q  knew about Oulipo and was writing a S&M novel and told me about his tattoos, which were all literary references.
R looked like a combination of a young Jim Carrey, Kyle MacLachlan, and Rob Lowe. And he liked Tom Waits, Kate Bush, Joni Mitchell, and Randy Newman.  
S knew every Wilco album ever made.
T knew who William Carlos Williams was.
U liked '70s TV sitcoms and German philosophy.
V had majored in literature and philosophy and studied art history in Austria.
W reminded me of my father.
X said there was "electricity" when he held my hand and was impressed I drank whiskey.
Y said he liked me and that he showed up at the same bar every week hoping I'd be there.
Z said I was the most patient person he ever met.