Eric Trump’s Bedtime Prayer
Notes from the Post-it Wall – Week of June 11, 2017
• Is the old waitress at the café who is calling me sweetheart flirting with me? Because it’s working.
Notes from the Post-it Wall – Week of June 4, 2017
• All this talk about Wonder Woman being the first major motion picture featuring a female superhero… Uh, hello, sheeple! Is Barb Wire not major enough for you?
A Decade in Chicago, Ten Years of Mastering Disappointment
Finally, after a decade of imagining it, I had arrived in Chicago. The Big City. Home. Although I didn’t look the part, I was ready to take the place by storm. Within three months, it was clear that instead, Chicago was going to bend me over its knee and spank my ass red with the rotten corpse femur of Daddy Daley while I helplessly, and more and more self-destructively, took the beating like a frightened little bitch.
Wonder Woman Movie Leads to Gender War and Potential Human Extinction
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of May 28, 2017
• When I see an American flag as a decal on a pick-up truck window or a bald eagle presented as frightful and violent instead of regal on a decal, hat, t-shirt, etc., I get a little nervous...
The Moment Before Blowing Out the Birthday Candles
A birthday wish is not something to be taken lightly. This is not a simple loose eyelash or a shooting star you’re wishing upon. This is your birthday wish and you only get one for the year. It needs to count.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of May 21, 2017
• Some of my Facebook friends are trolls. Some of my Facebook friends troll the trolls. It can be fun to watch the fight play out but it also reminds me that some of my friends are real pricks.
Our Two Children
Yet, there’s a part of us that will rejoice in Donnie’s failure. It will cease further damage done to our nation, and in a way, it rights our wrong. But we still have Hillary to worry about. Hillary is the kind of daughter who loves her parent just enough to put us in an old folks home so we won’t get lonely in our dying days. But it’s the old folks home right off the highway with the orderlies who sweat in our soup.
This New Job is Making Me so Emo, I Could Cry
In less than one week, I will show up to an office with lots of cubicles and paid time off for its employees, a Human Resources Department and company-wide team building events. This is a full-time gig. It’s a W2 kind of gig. I haven’t had a gig like this in almost seven years. And I’m looking forward to it in the way 16-year-old David looked forward to going on a date with that girl who finally showed some interest in him. And I’m an emotional goddamn wreck over the whole thing.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Road Trip Edition
• The President George Bush Turnpike being a toll road is hilarious irony, and sort of a fuck you to the people of Texas.
The Illinois-Missouri Derby
I could have made the drive inside of two days had I been alone. But I had the wife and the dog, and when you’re driving the 1,164 miles between Chicago and Austin, Texas with souls on board other than your own, it’s best to make pit stops along the way.
Springfield. Kate was unimpressed with Lincoln’s home. “It looks too nice for being that old,” she said.
“You would have been even more unimpressed if they’d just let nature take its course for these past 152 years,” I told her.
Obama Making that Paper the American Way
I don't wish heartbreak on anyone, but I can’t help to laugh at the outrage and sadness that former president Barack Obama is going to collect $400,000 to speak to a Wall Street investment bank. We don’t know what he’s going to do with the money. Build his library? Invest in Chicago Public Schools? Buy Michelle a shitload of sleeveless dresses? Donate it to the Carter Center?
Notes from the Post-It Wall — Week of April 30, 2017
... I picked apart a Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup. The chocolate on its own, kinda sucks. The peanut butter on its own kinda sucks. Eating the chocolate and peanut butter separately is like Paul McCartney and John Lennon. They’re completely awful unless they’re together. ...
Notes from the Post-It Wall — Week of April 23, 2017
I screwed up reinstalling a towel rack. My future as a successful family man is not a promising one.
Official Report: Joe Diffie’s John Deere Green is the Greatest Country Song Ever
It is, at the surface and for everything it’s worth, a magnificent and simple American love story for the ages.
Today’s Writer’s Life—Heroin Would be Better
I stared at the computer keyboard for a while. I reviewed some notes. I sharpened a few pencils. I drank half a pot of coffee. I chewed seven pieces of cinnamon Trident gum. I read half a chapter in one of the eight books I’m actively reading. I made some administrative phone calls. I went on a refreshing walk with the dog.
Notes from the Post-It Wall — Week of April 9, 2017
Passover: The 11th Plague
This is an important week for those who celebrate and follow the traditions of the Judeo-Christian Way. This week marks what Christians call Holy Week and what Jews call the week they can’t “enjoy a goddam Jimmy Johns sandwich.”
Suicidal Tendencies and Hägar the Well-Timed Horrible
You can kill your pain and sadness that you had carried with you all those years. But you can’t kill the pain and sadness you’ve now created and left behind.
...that intense and deep aren’t the same thing even if you’ve convinced yourself they are. Intense is momentary and fleeting; deep is the result of time and energy.