The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Christian Halloween Party Planning

Boo!

By Joe Janes

St. Thomas Episcopal Church

Halloween Party Planning Committee

9:30am, October 3, 2018, St. Thomas’s Koffee ’n’ Khrist Cafe  

Attendance: Father Tiffany, Helen, Larry, Dieter, and Lois 

Notes recorded by Lois

Father Tiffany – I want this year’s teen Halloween Party to be the best one we have ever done at St. Thomas. The teens always complain that it’s not scary enough and the parents always complain that it’s more about Halloween and less about good Christian values. 

Larry – Make Halloween more Christian? That could be scary.

Father Tiffany – I’ll settle for it just being a lot of fun. If everyone is having fun, they won’t care if it isn’t scary or not very Christian. Also, remember, we’re on a budget. As in, there is no budget. 

Helen – I have a fun idea. We make a big cross and we put a dead guy on it-

Larry – Like Jesus?

Helen – Sure, like Jesus. But scarier. A vampire or zombie or homeless guy. 

Father Tiffany – Thank you for your idea, Helen, but I’m failing to see the fun part.

Helen – Here’s the fun part. We put donuts on strings and hang them from the cross. The kids must eat the donuts without using their hands. Whoever finishes a whole donut first wins a prize. Like a donut or something.

Father Tiffany – Let’s put that one on the metaphorical white board. 

Dieter – Where’s the metaphorical whiteboard? I’ll write it down.

Father Tiffany – It’s in my head. My brain is the white board.  

Dieter – Wow. We are on a budget. 

Lois – I have an idea. Let’s make all the kids dress as their favorite Bible characters. 

Larry – Except Mary Magdalene.

Lois – Except Mary Magdalene. The kids have to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories while the other kids have to guess what the story is. It’s like Pictionary without the pornography. 

Larry -I would love to see how you play Pictionary.

Father Tiffany – Okay, okay. Not sure all the kids will want to dress up like Bible characters for Halloween. Or will want to draw. Nonetheless, it’s on my internal white board. 

Helen – I have another one. You know how we always play that game where the kids stick their hands in a box and feel gross things like peeled grapes or canned spaghetti and we tell them it’s really the body of Christ.

Father Tiffany – I don’t recall that last part, but okay. 

Helen – We get a bigger box, call it a tomb, I’ll be inside as Lazarus.

Larry – And the kids touch you?

Helen – Yes. We tell them it’s a dead body and their healing touches bring me back to life. 

Larry – Can we take turns being Lazarus?

Father Tiffany – On the white board with a “potential lawsuit” asterisk. Let’s move on.

Larry – Mine is very simple and lots of fun. We put a big cross on the wall and cover it with orange balloons. Orange for Halloween. The kids get darts – we’ll call them nails – and they throw them to try to pop the balloons. If they pop a balloon where one of Jesus’s real nails would have been, they get a prize. Like a donut.

Father Tiffany – Not sure we have the budget for balloons. We’d have to use the leftover ones we have from the 4th of July picnic. 

Larry – Red, white, and blue balloons?

Father Tiffany – No. They are gold and green. From Easter. We used the leftover ones from that for the 4th.

Helen – What if someone throws a nail into Jesus’s, you know, groinal area?

Father Tiffany – Needs work, but I would like to get rid of all those balloons. White boarded. 

Dieter – We still have that prize wheel we used at the rummage sale, right? Why don’t we rework the prizes and make it “Wheel of Job”? Instead of winning cool prizes, they are subjected to cruel tests from God. Prizes like “Robbers stole your smart phone”, “Your cat caught on fire”, “A tornado killed your parents”, stuff like that.

Father Tiffany – What do they win after imagining these horrible tribulations?

Dieter – Imagining? Okay, we can go that route. Well, if they still love God after their spin, they get a donut or something. If they now hate God, we kick them out of the party. 

Larry – Maybe save that one for the end of the party when we want people to leave. 

Father Tiffany – Gosh, my white board is getting full. For now, let’s just plan on putting up the old cardboard bats and cobwebs and do bobbing for apples. 

Helen – Can we put a snake in with the apples to represent Satan?

Father Tiffany – Fine, Helen. Bring your snake. 

Nothing says “I Heart Jesus” like eating donuts off a crucifix.