The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | The First Online ANTIFA Organizational Meeting
This guy loves punching Nazis.
The First Online ANTIFA Organizational Meeting
Wednesday, June 10, 2020 11:00am
Zoom Meeting (password: HitlerBlows)
Attendance: Carl, Tim, Reggie, Chantrelle, Naked Yelling Guy, Anonymous, Carl’s Grandmother, etc.
Carl - Hello, everyone. I’m Carl. This is my house. My grandmother’s house. Welcome to the first online ANTIFA organizational meeting.
Great to see all of you. Thank you for responding to the evite. So…I see someone in a mask with the name anonymous. Are you Anonymous or ?...Just being anonymous. Great. Welcome.
Um…Naked yelling guy…With the user name Naked Yelling Guy…Are you a member or are you Zoom bombing us?...Both. Okay… I’m going to turn off your camera and put you on mute…Use the chat box if you want to all caps at us…
Some good news/bad news. President Trump said he will designate us a domestic terrorist organization. Yay! Nice to get some recognition for all our hard work. Bad news, we’ll have to meet more often and destroy more things to make sure we stay on the list. But, also “Yay!”
Let’s start with our ANTIFA pledge…”We pledge allegiance…to hate Nazis…undero Soros.”
Okay. We just started our rewards program. Every time you punch a Nazi, your card gets punched. 10 and you get a t-shirt with our mascot on it…Grannie Fa…I know…I know. …I read all your comments on Reddit. It should be Auntie Fa. But…The little old lady flipping off the Nazi is my grandmother, so…Grannie Fa. …Yes. Look, it’s a closed issue. If you don’t like how I run things, start your own anti-fascist terrorist organization. Okay?
Does it have to be a punch? Well…I think a slap is okay. Eye pokes are good. …Oh, I would definitely say yes to giving a Nazi a wedgie.…A friendly hug? Don’t hug a Nazi, Tim.
The Bowl-A-Thon fundraiser is still on. I understand there’s some concern over the name of the venue – White’s Only Bowling. But the owner’s name is Stanley White and he does only have bowling. White’s …Only Bowling. I think it’s how you say it. Food will be provided by the catering company Let’s Do Lynch. Mrs. Lynch is donating.
Speaking of food. The last protest was very successful. Well-coordinated chaos on our part. One small complaint. Who was in charge of snacks? Tim…Tim…Buddy. I appreciate the time you put in, but soup and salad?...Fine. Bisque and caprese. Not the best choice for people who are marching and throwing things. Keep it simple. No, not crudites. Just carrot sticks would be fine. And water. Plain water, Tim. Not everyone likes LaCroix.
I see a question in the chat room…WHEN IS ANTIFA GOING TO MAKE A STATEMENT TO SUPPORT BLACK LIVES MATTER?... Well, Naked Yelling Guy…We could make a statement. What do you think, Reggie?...I’m asking you because you’re a smart guy. I thought…With your expertise…Because you’re black, Reggie…I am asking you because you are the only black member here…No, Chantelle. No. You are not black, Chantelle. Everyone knows that. Just because you’re a fan and give to black causes does not make you black. Your real name is Cheryl and you should really reconsider what you’re doing with your hair…
Okay. My grandmother’s signaling that it’s time for her bath. I’ll see everyone on Tuesday. We’ll meet at the Dunk’n Donuts and walk over to the protest. Next online meeting, we’ll brainstorm ideas on how to attack and dethrone God, cuz I got nothin’...
Grannie Fa hates Nazis, too.