Advice Unsolicited | The Cost of Virtue
From Slate:
Q. I’ve been making the world a better place, and I’m sick of it: I’m one of four children. My parents raised us to believe we always had to make the world a better place, and I took it seriously—I’ve worked for nonprofits for the 10 years since I’ve graduated from college. I find the mission meaningful, but I’m burnt out. I work long hours for very little pay, and every nonprofit I’ve worked for has used guilt or emotion to extract even more out of their employees (instead of increasing salaries).
My three siblings all work in the private sector and make a ton of money. I’m jealous, envious, and bitter. I want to jump ship for the private sector, but I feel horrendously guilty and gross for even considering it. I’m also resentful because despite my parents’ song-and-dance about world peace, they shower praise and attention on my siblings (who have fancy vacations, nice houses, brand new cars) and criticize me for living in a tiny place without any of the trappings of success. I feel like I got the raw end of the deal. I did everything right and have basically nothing to show for it. Am I justified in leaving the nonprofit world? Do you have ideas on how I can get over my hang-ups about doing this?
Dear Bitter—
There’s a story in the Bible—I’m paraphrasing it here—where a woman goes to prayer every day and prays loudly and obviously. She makes such a noise in her show of virtue and piety that another woman goes to Jesus and asks if making that much of a show is going to get the signaler’s prays answered more quickly. “She has already received her reward, so fuck no. Here's a loaf of bread and a fish. Now scram.”
The first question is have you really been making the world a better place? I mean, in quantifiable metrics? My guess is that your siblings got jobs where they are measured by results rather than good intentions and are thus subject to that sort of continual evaluation. This is not to say that nonprofit work is meaningless by any stretch just that the reward for doing that sort of "making the world a better place" work is as mushy and non-substantive as the quantifiable results.
Your jealousy has more to do with your desire to be paid for work that generates no income than your siblings' vacations. You feel that being a good person in the world should have the same monetary reward as work done that results in money. You don't really want to go into the private sector. You want someone to pay for the good deeds. You want to be praised for choosing virtue over profit but still want the profit.
The funny thing about the whole "making the world a better place" is that the label is completely subjective. Public school teachers can claim they are making things better. So can the police. And doctors. Janitors. The kid at McDonald's is serving others. The Antifa guy who lights a police station on fire and loots a Target can make the same claim. The idiots who stormed the Capitol building to “Stop the Steal” feel strongly that they are trying to make the world better.
The question is how are you making things better and why you feel slighted for making that choice as opposed to chasing the buck? Altruism is never going to make you rich. It never has and it never will. That's not how it works.
But I'm certain the monks who dedicated themselves to public service, living in the most meager existences, vows of silence and all, can feel your frustration. The people who commit to food kitchens would love to be taking expensive vacations because the money spent on food and stuff for the hungry could be allocated a bit more for their potential condo payment, right? Those hungry people don't need that much food, buncha fatasses.
As for your reward for self sacrifice and doing virtuous things for the world? You've received your reward in your piety and wailing. Here's a loaf of bread and a fish. Now scram.
