Leaked Audio Sex Tape of Batman and Catwoman

Batman uses echolocation to find Catwoman’s girl cave.

by Joe Janes

Leaked Audio Sex Tape of Batman and Catwoman

(Somewhere atop a skyscraper in Gotham City.)

Batman: I’m not going to let you leave this rooftop with the diamonds you stole, Catwoman.

Catwoman: I’ve been a bad kitty. What are you going to do about it, Batman?

Batman: The same thing I would do with any misbehaving feline, squirt you with a water bottle full of justice. 

Catwoman: Oh, Batman, can’t you think of a better way to punish me? Why don’t you slip out of that dark knight armor of yours?

Batman: That’s not very practical. There’s a lot of hooks and snaps and whatnot. Several layers. It takes me about half an hour to put it on. And that’s with Alfred’s help.

Catwoman: Who’s Alfred?

Batman: Um, my cave valet. Plus, Penguin might be pulling a heist at the art museum, and I can’t get caught with my onesie down. 

Catwoman: Well, we can leave our clothes on. Rubbing leather and spandex together might just give this kitty the friction I need. (pause) Ooh, I see you put nipples back on the bat suit.

Batman: Uh, no. I’m just, uh, titillated. 

(Inaudible sounds of rubbing and heavy breathing.) 

Catwoman: This is hot and all, but I was wondering if you could do something for me.

Batman: Just about anything legal, Catwoman.

Catwoman: I’m really into role-playing.

Batman: I’m a bat man and you’re a cat woman, what else could you want?

Catwoman: Pretend you’re a powerful rich CEO. That turns me on. Pretend you’re Bruce Wayne.

Batman: Bruce Wayne? That…guy? Why Bruce Wayne?

Catwoman: He’s hot. He’s local. And very rich. I’ll let you use my whip.

Batman: Um, okay. Um. Hello, I’m Bruce Wayne. 

Catwoman: Oh, Mr. Wayne! Looks like you caught me stealing office supplies from Wayne Enterprises. 

Batman: If you don’t return those staplers, um, college-aged intern, I’m going to fire you.

Catwoman: Oh, no! Is there anything I can do to avoid your wrath?

Batman: We can have sex. Right here in my office. On the desk. Help me move my computer. Be prepared for me to bump my leather-constricted hips up against your various woman parts multiple times. 

Catwoman: Um, yeah. Hang on. Good effort. 

Batman: I’m sorry, Catwoman. Maybe you should just give me the diamonds and call it a night.

Catwoman: There’s one part of you that isn’t bound in a costume, Batman.

Batman: My mouth? Sure. You want to make out? If I use too much tongue, let me know. I can get carried away. I think it’s from being an orphan.

Catwoman: I want you to get carried away with your tongue. Down here.

(Inaudible. Possibly the rustling sounds of spandex being peeled off a feline-y form.)

Catwoman: Come here, Hero. Let me grab onto those pointy ears and steer. There’s a little man in a boat that needs saving.

(Inaudible. The sound cuts out at what seems to be the maniacal laughter of a large penguin.)

When Catwoman uses the Bat Signal, it’s a booty call.