What You Don't Know about the Texas Abortion Ban!

by Joe Janes

What you don’t know about

The Texas Abortion Ban

-       The new law makes no exceptions for incest or rape. Exceptions can only be made if the pregnant woman’s life is in danger or is the mistress or daughter of a republican politician. 

-       It makes it more difficult to get an abortion and vote on any election day by only allowing abortions in voter drop-off boxes or voter drive-thrus, which have all been eliminated.

-       Abortions can only be given with the father’s consent. If the father is unknown, COVID-19 style contact tracing must be employed. For example, everyone who drank at Nick’s Watering Hole four-to-almost-six weeks ago needs to be contacted and informed they might be a father. They must all agree to the abortion.

-       Anyone who helps someone get an abortion as well as the person getting an abortion must declare themselves republicans in the next election and donate 10% of their income to Ted Cruz’s re-election campaign.

-       It states that women who get abortions are flaunting their fertility and that their behavior has been legally declared “unbecoming.”  

-       Abortions can be performed by police officers if the fetus is black, armed, and considered belligerent. 

-       If you drive over the state line to have sex with a minor, it’s a small fine. If you are driving that minor to get an abortion, it’s ten years in prison, no parole. 

-       To prevent this ban from driving women to illegal procedures, hangers have been banned in Texas. Garments that are typically on hangers, will now have to be folded on shelves, hung on blunt hooks, or tossed in a pile on the floor. 

-       Anyone making a pipe bomb to blow up an abortion clinic can get tax deductions for materials used. 

-       Mandates “abstinence” as the Official State Birth Control and declares pregnancy to be an “act of God” along with hurricanes, blizzards, power grid failures, COVID-19, and mass shootings.