Rick Scott’s 12-Point Plan to Rescue America
Florida Man says the quiet parts out loud.
by Joe Janes
Mitch McConnell has declined to officially release a GOP statement of policies for the midterm elections. His tactic is simply to attack Democrats with negative ads. Fortunately, beacon of hope, Senator Rick Scott from Florida, presented his plan to Rescue America from the talons of the militant liberal chaos of the Biden administration. Rick Scott sees right through Biden’s insidious actions that have reduced the national debt, increased employment, reduced health costs, etc.
RICK SCOTT’S 12-POINT PLAN TO RESUCE AMERICA!
1) Safe Elections – Any US citizen with a mask, a gun, and a flag pin is allowed to question voters at the polls as to who they are going to vote for and why they hate America. They have been instructed to stop anyone who looks suspicious or drives a Prius.
2) Healthcare – Eliminate Obamacare and Medicare and Medicaid. Let the free market determine the cost of prescription drugs, medical procedures, and who lives or dies - like the good ol’ days!
3) Right to Work – Eliminate the strangle hold greedy unions have on corporations. If companies complied with the demands of unions, CEOs would make millions of dollars less every hour. If people want to work for $7 an hour for 12-hour shifts and pee in Gatorade bottles, it is their right!
4) Social Security – Americans have suckled at the teat of entitlement too long. Congress has the right to scuttle this program Americans have paid into with their own money to pay for the things reduced taxes on the wealthy no longer cover. Missiles are expensive.
5) Sunset Laws – Legislation should be reviewed every 5 minutes to see if we still want to keep it.
6) Cut Taxes – America is one of the biggest suppliers of billionaires who pay zero in taxes and it’s not enough. Billionaires need our help so they can keep creating low paying jobs for the rest of us, including politicians. We really don’t make that much. Gratuity welcome. Please Venmo me @EatARick.
7) Womens Health – The GOP cares about women. That’s why we don’t want you to do anything that might cause harm to you or your baby, or, as we like to call it, America’s baby. Important medical decisions should be between a woman, her doctor, and me. We are not calling for an across the board ban on abortion. Exceptions can be made if the woman is evil (over 40 and single) and lives a feral life in the forest.
8) School Educatoin – Kids will say the pledge of allegiance every day and learn that America is the greatest country on the planet if not the entire universe and that slavery was just a labor dispute and the end of the Civil War put a lot of black people out of work and white people know what’s best for all of us here’s your gun.
9) Immigration – We will secure our borders and only let in hot blondes.
10) Economy – God is a capitalist. That’s why there are collection plates after we drink wine and eat bread in church. It’s called splitting the bill. Nothing is free in our free country. We will stop socialism! Socialism is a scary word to many people who don’t know what it is and we will use it often while showing pictures of destitute places with corrupt governments that are not Norway.
11) Gender Rights – We believe you have a right to be whatever that junk is between your legs that God gave you. If you were born with a conflicting set of genitals, it’s probably because your parents are democrats and are being punished for not believing in America. It’s up to the doctor to flip a coin and lop something off.
12) Religious Freedom – You have a right to practice whatever your religion is without suppression of free speech, as long as it’s Christian and not weird. “Merry Christmas” will be added to all our currency.
Children saying Pledge of Allegiance in Rick Scott’s America.