Santos Apologizes-ish

Incoming Congressman George Santos address the public.

by Joe Janes

Newly elected House Representative from New York apologized Tuesday for “embell-ish-ments” he made to his resume because some people may be upset by the fabrications. The lies ranged from inflated Wall Street experience, false academic accomplishments, and heritage claims that he says were misinterpreted – when he said he was “Jewish” he meant “Jew-like”.

Santos has received backlash from democrats and one or two republicans about the whole fiasco including his weak apology.

Here is George Santos second apology attempt.

“The other day, I apologized through various media outlets for the misrepresentations on my resume. I very clearly shrugged my shoulders, raised my hands, and said “Whoops.” Some people say that wasn’t enough. They want me to step aside. Democrats want to politicize my lack of qualifications, shady financial dealings, and questionable moral standards when all I want to do is roll up my sleeves and get to work for my constituents. On January 3rd , I will be sworn in and I will take office. That is not a lie.

I am also being attacked by a smear campaign in the liberal press saying I’m promising things I cannot deliver. I promised the people who elected me that I would fight for them, make their neighborhoods safer, lower taxes, and give them a pony. That, contrary to the opinions of my critics, is not a lie. I will not rest until every home in my district has a pony. In fact, I call it the “Hooves in Homes Initiative”. The people of New York have had a few rough years and deserve a pony. People have said to me they either don’t want a pony or don’t think they’d be able to care for one. These people are way in the minority, by the way, but I’m listening. If you get a pony, you don’t have to take care of it. You can give it away, you can sell it, you can eat it. Personally, I’ll be cutting off the head of my pony and sending it to Joe Biden.

Look, I made a mistake. I didn’t speak clearly on many things about my background. I apologized and apologize again if that other one didn’t stick. I am not a fake. I am not a fraud. Everyone gets a pony and, more importantly, Hunter Biden will go to jail for lying about paying for AppleCare on his laptop.”

Actual pony promised by George Santos.