I Believe... [The Mind of March Madness]

...that investing yourself in a dying business can be as deflating as a Tijuana breast implant. Better to live with the chest you were born with.

...that if, as the Far Left would have it, offensive speech is ‘harmful’ and ‘violent,’ it is then reasonable to conclude that drag shows and tales of trans youth—offensive to the Far Right—are likewise ‘harmful’ and ‘violent.’ Thus is the trap the Left sets for themselves every time and which I conclude to mean that no speech, regardless of offense, is ‘harmful’ or ‘violent.’

...that if the world were taken over by zombies, everybody better to learn to drive stick because most of today’s cars would be inert hunks of plastic.

...that anyone obsessed with March Madness basketball needs to back up a step when they judge me for digging comic book movies. We all go nuts for the things we loved as children.

...that the cities listed in your weather app are a list of longing and plans undeveloped like that vacation to the Bahamas you’ll never take but dream about. Knowing the climate of Rome or New York feels like a connection you’ll never have like reading about the home life of that celebrity you yearn to date.