Actually, Let Me Explain International Women’s Day

From a divorced dad at a bar

March 8th is International Women’s Day here in America. Even though it says “International” in the title, it’s really just an American thing. Like “International House of Pancakes”. They don’t have those in Europe. Look it up. I’m not kidding. Pour me another Miller Lite.

Some woke politicians have been trying to pass the ERA – Equal Rights Amendment for decades. Decades! Even before they knew they were being woke. It’s never passed for several reasons. Mainly, we don’t need it. Says right there in the constitution that all men are created equal. End of discussion. That’s as clear as the Second Amendment. It doesn’t say “all men and women”. Some “historians” say the founding FATHERS used the word “men” as a general non-gendered term for all of us. If that’s the case, they could have easily said, “We, the people of the United States, are created equal.” But they did not. Think on that. Like Ben Franklin once said, “Women are pretty and often useful. Now, let us men folk do the thinky stuff.” You got any peanuts? No, I said the peanuts part, not Ben Franklin.

Look, I love and respect women. Except for my ex-wife Brenda who only lets me see my two daughters twice a month on weekends under supervision. Women, in general, are special. They birth our babies and are really good at sewing and cleaning and I’d much rather get a massage from a woman than a dude. They deserve a little something, even though they already dominate Valentine’s Day and Sweetest Day and all the holidays that involve buying something other than fireworks. If we can’t guarantee them equal rights under the law, let’s give them a day, hell, a month! Consumers love that, too. Great excuse for sales, which women – both local and international – love. They also do Marches, which is good exercise for them.

Women’s History Month comes right after Black History Month, which means black women are whooping it up big time. That’s okay. They work hard. They deserve it. Starts to skew that whole “equal rights” thing though, don’t you think? Where’s Men’s History Month? Where’s my Special Happy Hour White Wine Spritzer?  Where’s my special greeting card? “Happy Men’s History Month – Go Get ‘em, Guy!” Let me get a shot of Wild Turkey with my next brewski.

The holiday goes all the way back to Jimmy Carter when it was just a week. President Ronald Reagan gave women the whole month. Do I need to point out what Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan had in common other than smokin’ hot wives? By the way, you’d probably make more in tips if you smiled more.

It’s Women’s History Month and today is International Women’s Day, which I guess makes this day during Women’s Month more important (ahem, not equal) than all the other days.

So, have your fun, little ladies. It’ your time of the History Month. I’d like to buy that table of broads over there a pitcher of beer.

Happy Men’s History Month!