I Believe... [Elon Kaufman]

...that with the continued presence of children attacking their teachers, stealing Kias for joyrides, and vandalizing public and private property, we might wanna rethink the whole ‘no corporal punishment’ thing.

...that when I was in my twenties, I wore a lot of Hawaiin shirts and checkered Vans. You call yourself non-binary and wear fingernail polish. It’s all good.

...that Rachel Dolezal and Dylan Mulvany should star in the next Marvel film as a super duo. They could even use AI to digitally insert Mickey Rooney from Breakfast at Tiffany’s as the villain.

...that Republicans who supported the impeachment of Bill Clinton for having sex need to shut the fuck up about prosecuting Donald Trump for paying for sex.

...that Elon Musk is the bastard son of Andy Kaufman and wreaks havoc as a continuation of his father’s legacy.