Florida to Ban the Printed Word
Bad words! Bad!
by Joe Janes
From the fine reporters at The Gator Times, Gainesville, Florida
On the heels of banning books in public libraries and schools, the state of Florida has announced the total banning of words.
According to presidential hopeful Governor Ron DeSantis, “I think we can all agree that words are the weapons of the woke left that wants to destroy America and our Christian values. We banned books that were harmful to children. Books that might make them gay or think poorly about our country. It’s not enough. Before drag queens start handing out copies of Critical Race Theory on the streets like crack, we are premptively banning the use of printed words. Period. This announcement will only be on TV and radio, right?”
The executive order will have an effect beyond schools and places of learning. Street and traffic signs will all be image-based. Voting ballots will only use emojis. Voters will no longer be tasked with reading about potential ordinances or laws. They merely need to pick a smiley face or a frowny face and it will be up to the current administration to determine the meaning of the outcome. Voters can declare their party by choosing the cowboy riding an American flag while fucking an eagle for Republican or the abortion loving junkie with a needle in his arm wearing Micky Mouse ears for Democrat. How do they know the junkie is ”abortion loving”? According to the governor’s office, “Of course he is.”
Does this really mean all books will be banned in Florida? DeSantis says, “Every single book with words in it will be burned and the ashes dumped on Disney World by a crop duster airplane. Except the Bible. The Bible is the only book to contain all good words. Everything anyone needs to know about life is in the Bible, including science and American history.” (Editor’s Note: We also believe it makes sense to not ban a book no one reads.)
The governor’s Secretary of Education 💩 recommends people should start practicing ✍️ in emojis now.
W🐓 does the 🛑 take effect?
📚🔥⏲!
Florida - If the sun doesn’t kill you, the books will.