Throwing Cheese at Pink
Concert tickets are almost ridiculously expensive these days. A family size wheel of Brie ain’t cheap either.
When a recent concert-goer bought tickets to see Pink onstage and decided somewhere along the line that buying a huge wheel of cheese with the intent to throw it at the pop star during her concert was a great plan, one of two things is going on—that trendy mental illness stuff or the increasing desire to create a viral moment to then monetize on some or other social media platform.
In the early days of Shakespeare, if the audience on the ground at the Globe didn’t like the play, they were known to throw food, excrement, and rocks at the actors. Vendors would stand outside the theater and sell cabbages and oranges for this purpose. Throwing cheese at Pink can’t be a vote of disapproval unless this one idiot hates Pink so much that dropping a couple hundred bucks on tickets, buying a giant circle of Brie, putting together an outfit designed to conceal this huge hunk of cheese, mortgaging the parents’ home to pay for parking within a mile of the concert are all just pieces of some weird revenge puzzle.
No, this was an almost brilliant act of lunacy.
I recall a dude throwing a shoe at then president Georgie Bush and tales of women’s panties being tossed at Tom Jones but a ten-pound hunk of cheese? That’s just DADA, gang. Pink doesn’t even have a cheese-themed song. I mean, if someone tossed some Babybels at Brie Larsen or pre-cooked sausages at Taylor Swift at least there’d be some throughline there but Pink?
At my first wedding my grandmother-in-law despised me so thoroughly that she threw gravel at me instead of birdseed as we left the church. She was a solid aim for an old lady and pegged me in the temple with a rock. If only there was Tik Tok or Youtube back then. She might’ve become a brand name of rock-throwing at weddings.
Andy Warhol said that famous line about everyone getting their fifteen minutes of fame but even he was too conventional to imagine the cheese-throwing concert fan. If, like so many vapidly stupid trends that inspire the Influencers, this Velveeta Warrior garners followers I wonder what the next dairy weapon will be to assault a pop singer?
Heaven help the kid who tosses smoked gouda at Cardi B because she’ll forcefeed that shit down his throat and then write a rap about it.
