For Those Who Would Judge

by Chris Churchill
For those who would judge:

I love someone.

I’m better to her and I’m better for her than her husband was.
I’m better to her kids and for her kids than their dad was.
I’m a good person.

But religion and primitive culture prevent many from knowing about our lives together.
I somewhat understand. You believe what you believe because you were taught what you were taught and told what you’ve been told.

But here’s something else to learn.
Women are equal to men. 
Women are NOT property.

She is, FINALLY, able to work towards who she wants to be because she has help with running the home. I am so glad to be there for her. The kids, FINALLY, have a male figure in their lives who not only loves them, but listens to them, plays with them, interacts with them, and teaches them EVERYDAY.

I’m not just teaching them about school stuff (I’m a teacher), but I’m also unteaching them concepts that they should never have been taught, like it’s okay to disrespect their mother (because that’s what they saw from their father). I’m teaching them to use their voices and words to get what they deserve out of this world. They’re going to be whatever kind of women they CHOOSE TO BE.

I treat the person I love like an equal; a friend. I focus on HER  happiness, HER pleasure, and HER personal fulfillment.  I’ve never wanted to help someone this much before. I’ve never so wanted to make someone laugh as hard as we laugh. And there are many other ways in which I’ve never wanted so much to make things perfect and ecstatic and beautiful for someone.

The point is, I am deeply in love with this person, whose name I will continue to keep secret. (Even though there are plenty who know.)

But there are many in her “community” that would judge me because I’m not her husband (yet). Or judge me because I am not Muslim. That’s on you. Think about what that means to feel that way. You’re essentially thinking that it is better to be Muslim than to be loving and good to people. That’s where your logic leads.

I’m not anti-religion entirely. I’m also a “person of the book” in that I was also raised to believe the teachings of an Abrahamic faith, the Bible. There are many great lessons in all the books. But the one that keeps me from fully committing to ANY religion is the part where they tell all others that THEY are going to HELL because THEY are not part of THEIR religion.

I can’t abide by that. Why? Because Love is the point. IF you are one who claims to believe in God, then you should remember that God IS Love (one of the beautiful things from the religion I was led to).

We are a very God-loving family. But we will not follow the path God has led us to in the same way that God has led anyone else. The way you worship your God is by being what God wants you to be. We all try. We all fail sometimes. But we are all on our paths. Paths we were led to by God. Please don’t judge us and please don’t worry for our souls. We also talk to God, in our own way, all day every day.

But it is because of the fears that inspired this writing that we have not gone public with our relationship.

Because she is scared of what her “friends” and even some of her family might feel. This is no way to live. This is no way to love. And the only people keeping her from finally being really happy and fulfilled— that’s her community. That might be you.

The only thing preventing her daughters from having an everyday positive influence on their development from both a fulfilled mother and a positive loving father figure—that’s her community. It might be you.

Let me be clear. I’m happy to learn about Islam. I’ll try to know as much about it as I know about the Bible (which is more than the average Christian). But also know, God and I have had a relationship since I was a child. And God was presented to me from the American and Christian point of view. You don’t have to (nor should you) worry about what God thinks of me. It’s none of your concern. It’s between me and God.

The woman I love had God presented to her from the Sudanese and Muslim point of view. And you don’t have to (nor should you) worry about her relationship with God. One thing you truly don’t have to worry about is her soul. Her soul is beautiful, it’s empathetic, it’s filled with love for people and animals. Her soul is what God wants her soul to be. Her soul is what many think they must lean on a religion to achieve. When, really, religion is often a crutch for those who cannot understand that love and compassion are all that God wants in the world.

I might ruffle some feathers when I say:
God is real. Religion is fake.
God is Love. Religion is control.

That’s what we believe.

Not that what we believe is ANYONE’s business.

And not that it’s any of your business, we pray together EVERYDAY. If God is truly God then there is only one God. And THAT God knows who we’re talking to. That God, the only God there could be, knows out hearts and knows why God showed us different books but told us both that we are Loved and that our only job on earth is to love others. I’m not perfect on loving everyone, but I’m trying.

I assure you, the woman I love and I were brought together. God put us together. I will worship any God that orchestrated our meeting.

The only thing that is preventing us from being fully together is the slow process of divorce and her community.

So depending on when this note is released, that is how much time after she and I started seeing each other that we’ve had to keep it a secret. That’s how much of our life has been weighted down by fear of her community’s reaction and her family’s reaction. Shame on anyone who has been a part of hindering anyone else’s joy.

From this point on, get ready to either embrace our new lives together or to be ignored. You are not our community if you do not accept us.

We hope that you will choose to be a happy part of our lives. We both have always wanted to be surrounded by family, love, laughs, and fun. We hope you can share in our happiness.