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Now I've Got To Write Something Stupid!
Well now I’ve got to write something stupid. Because the last thing I wrote was really serious.
For Those Who Would Judge
Not pictured: us.
Love or Money, Christians? Which is it? (Repost from 2018)
If you are averse to religious discussions, I warn you now, “Bible Verses Lie Ahead.” Not for the reason you usually see them thrown around, though. I’m not going to judge you here. In fact, being a fan of the Bible for what I see it to be, I strongly value the statement, “Judge not, lest ye be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” Jesus (if that is Your real name...) said that in the King James Version of the Bible, Book of Matthew, Chapter 7, verse 2. There are countless translations, of course, take your pick.
Goodnight Jimmy: Requiem For A Feathered Family Member
We lost our little Jimmy.
Our little cockatiel.
She was the best little bird anybody could have ever had a deep and abiding friendship with.
Thirteen-and-a-half years with this little baby. She was our “Tiny Chicken.” We spoiled her like no bird has ever been spoiled.
Chris Churchill Saves the World | Danglers All Fancy! Swolling With Juice!
When dusky and musky
Thresholdies do swain,
Two blombers all gwishy
To thromble their vein.
What They Found Out
Those who over or under think things, often with the aid of or deficit in chemicals in the brain, say I and You hang out together purely at the discretion of the great We (which is a hilariously name for the aforementioned but as yet unproven everything…because it sounds like “wee”).
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting Dresses Up as Literate Ape for Halloween
There was blood everywhere because, even though I am a vampire, I am a klutz.
Chris Churchill Saves the World | Green
Green is the color.
I’ve got no use for yellow most days. And, to be honest, orange generally repels me. I’ll walk away from a carrot unconsciously.
Chris Churchill Saves the World | How "The Walking Dead" Helped Me Feel My Feelings
I love The Walking Dead for a lot of reasons. But here’s the reason I’m so loyal to it:
When I was nineteen years old, committed to the psych ward, sitting across from my first psychiatrist, Dr. Bolan, he explained it to me. He told me I had a panic disorder (a diagnosis that subsequent psychiatrists haven’t necessarily focused on but one that seems to encapsulate a big part of my problem). He compared my brain to a house with many rooms, all of which had a light switch to be turned on when something worried me. As he explained, most people can turn the light on and then, when it was no longer needed (i.e., the thing that worries you is gone), they can turn the light off. People with a panic disorder cannot turn the lights off once they get turned on.
Chris Churchill Saves the World | Love Notes
Beware: Mushy stuff ahead. God stuff. Love stuff. This is what I feel.
Chris Churchill Saves the World | The Right to Be Ignored
Here in America, we have a lot of rights written into the Constitution. You can own bear arms. Your church can speak to the media. The media can speak about church. You can bring your own snacks into the movies. It’s all in there.
There are also basic human rights that don’t always make it into the founding documents of any particular nation. Controlling your own body. Having a good quality of life. Bringing your own snacks into a hospital.
There’s one right that I don’t hear enough people talking about.
Here’s another one I never hear people talking about: The right to be left alone. The right to be completely ignored.
Chris Churchill Saves the World | Parables for Terrible Times
There once was a kid running home from school, trying to get to the safety and comfort of his home toilet. He realized he wouldn’t make it. A glowing orb granted him permission to shit on the ground.
Chris Churchill Saves the World | America is a Country of Losers — Part III
When I was a kid, I always knew I wanted to be famous but I didn’t know what wanting that really meant. I realized now that I just wanted to be seen.
Chris Churchill Saves the World | America is a Country of Losers — Part I
America is a country of losers. It’s not and an insult. It’s and observation. I love America so don’t ask me to leave it. I simply observe that our great nation, The United States of America is made up of losers and the descendants of losers.
Chris Churchill Saves the World | The Misguided Art of Defending Misguided Art
I’ll admit, I used to love both Bill Cosby and Louis C. K. I truly thought they were good guys who were simply commenting on life’s foibles and the shortcomings of the human male.
Diet Plan for People Who Don’t Move
And you wanted to get skinny, this year! How come that strong, construction worker at he oasis is carrying a whole bag of “Donette Gems” to his car and he’s not fat yet?
Why come that is?
Anyway, look at yourself. Fat. Me too. You should see me. I tripped on my pecs this morning and here I lay on the bathroom floor, writing for Literate Ape (which takes absolutely no talent or energy; just the ability to ignore loved ones).
Chris Churchill Saves the World | My Non-Apology
Sometimes I feel like apologizing to dummies for their being dumb. And their dumbness leading to insecurity. And that their insecurity leads to a feeling of vulnerability which can be mistaken for a perception of being attacked.
I’m sorry you feel that way.
Entirely Out of Ducks? Dubious.
But then what happens when we have no more spare ducks to teach the foolish about love and responsibility?
A List of Things Americans Do that Get their Soldiers Killed
If you truly want to thank a soldier for their service, you can do it by changing your ways.
Minding My Own Business
I watch birds fly and I wonder what that would be like. I see bees working together to get pollen and I wonder what that would be like. (By the way, I feel bad when I trap a fly in my car, because, you know, he’s never gonna find his way home.) I feel like I’d like to be a wolf or a bear. And, I also look at other groups of people, and I wonder what that would be like. That wondering about what it would be like to be them, often gives way to a jealousy about not being them.