Jackie Walsh
From the porch, the two men listened to the thundering bass of rumbling trucks on journeys north and south along the Dan Ryan Expressway. To the west, Halsted teased out the melodies of car horns beeping and tires squealing, a harsh cacophony of symphonic summer street noises.
They smoked their tobacco.
Today! Casey Basch Funeral!
CASEY BASCH – FUNERAL TODAY!
The exclamation mark had to be a mistake. Maybe it was a prank—the work of teenagers out the night before? There was probably a church sign somewhere in town that read JESUS LOVES DICK.
THE MANAGEMENT COUNCIL
Once the merger is announced, I’ll resign and ask them to do the same. They won’t suspect the truth.
The Cold Case
This situation is called a Gordian knot. It’s a devilish problem with no clear solution. You can’t untie a Gordian knot. You have to cut right through it.
Single Sided Love at First Sight
Frog found his soulmate. Scorpion had found a way out of her pattern. He asked her to marry him on their third date.
The Cold Case
I’m sure he killed my aunt. There’s no way she would’ve have killed herself and left him my cousins.
The Cereal Wish | Part 8
I turned back to the window. The drones hovered only a moment, then toured to the right to spy through another apartment window like hornets trying to find their way into a hive. Some bored dudes in quarantine were probably trying to score a peep show.
The Cereal Wish | Part 7
“Those motherfuckers—spying on me again,” I said.
“Who’s spying on you?” Sarah asked.
The Cereal Wish | Part 6
Sarah was gone. All that was in the hall was a big box full of boxes of Product 19 on its side. I hate Product 19, but she wants me to eat it because it’s healthy. She must have bought it to make up for forgetting the cereal. “How is this my wish?” The genie was gone, too.
The Cereal Wish | Part 5
I wake up lying flat out in the entry hall closet we never use because we are too lazy to open the door. I’m lying on boxes of Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios I had wished into being. There are even some extras to make a pillow for my head. Melted chocolate is streaming out of the boxes like cookie blood. I can hear Maggie snuffling at the doorway.
The Cereal Wish | Part 4
As you have already learned, I am a quick thinker. Like, how I used my second wish to live inside of the classic sitcom Cheers. Yep. Everything is going to be smooth sailing from here on out.
It’s true that I’ll miss my girlfriend, Sarah, but as Dave Matthews said in a Facebook post in 2018, “What a great ending of a great tour!”
Norm walks over to me.
The Cereal Wish | Part 3
“What can I do for you?” asked the funnel of incense as it materialized into a small-boned woman in a red Chanel suit.
The Cereal Wish | Part 2
And there I was, twenty minutes later out trucking with Maggie four blocks away now from our place down Algren Street. It seemed to be nap time for the rest of the world while I took the much-needed air.
The Cereal Wish | Part 1 (Again)
Thank God for the dog. If not for her, my girlfriend wouldn’t let me leave the house. When the pandemic got serious, she didn’t care about toilet paper; she b-lined it for the milk. Our freezer is perfectly packed with Swedish meatballs, broccoli florets, and twenty-three gallon-size Ziplocs of milk.
SWEAT
Sweat isn’t a lollipop or a bag of money. Sweat may not be as pretty or fun as shivering. But sweat is a necessary evil in most cases and a physical sign that you’re having sex correctly.
The Broken Machine
Jack took a deep breath. "Why is it so easy for you to dismiss the truth for your convenience? You have to understand that the personal is political, right?
Social Media is a Vampire
A vampire can't come into your home unless invited. We invite too many bloodsuckers into our living rooms and wonder why there are holes in our neck.
Killer
Connor smiled…. “Ye made a mistake, lad. A dire one, I’m afraid. Ye ran into a fella like me. Too bad for you.
“We have police business with this young man. Unfortunately, we’re going to have to ask you to leave.”
Santa's Gift
Ricky stood in the snow with one sneaker untied and his backpack hanging far too low on his back. His breath misted in the frigid December air. He shook, but not from the cold. His mother taught him to layer up, making it almost impossible to catch a chill.
No, his shivers were from fear. A fear he had every year. But this year was going to be different.
The Wooden Door (3)
Martha took Lamar’s hand. “This gang warfare is senseless. It will get you nowhere,” she said. Then she took Paulie’s hand. “Don’t you understand that if you beat Lamar and his boys, there will always be someone else waiting to take you on. The battle will never end.”
Christmas is a time for giving, being with family and friends, and hating every other asshole out there in the shops and on the roads also trying to spread joy and share in the Christmas spirit. Similarly, Hanukkah is a time for Jewish people to desperately try to feel relevant during Christmastime.