A Merry Christmas Punch/CounterPunch On the Sensitive Topic of One Mr. George Bailey, Part Two
Joe Janes Joe Janes Joe Janes Joe Janes

A Merry Christmas Punch/CounterPunch On the Sensitive Topic of One Mr. George Bailey, Part Two

I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. It’s just so hard to argue something I no longer believe. Don Hall is right. George Bailey is not a good person. He never took a single step outside of Bedford Falls. His family lives in a drafty old house that he used to throw rocks at. He has a kid named Zuzu. Zuzu—short for Pazuzu, the demon from The Exorcist… I just, I can’t.

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[Archived But Fresh] Humans are Scum
Contributor Contributing Writer Contributor Contributing Writer

[Archived But Fresh] Humans are Scum

I cannot express how excited I am. Because over the past couple weeks since I was assigned this topic, I’ve been overwhelmed by this deep, dark despair. But in the next few minutes, I get to unload it all onto you, and then I can resume the carefree complacency to which I’ve grown accustomed.

You. People. Suck.

 It’s true and you all know it and here are seven reasons why.

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Let’s Toast to Booze!
Contributor David Himmel Contributor David Himmel

Let’s Toast to Booze!

Human beings began creating fermented beverages some twenty thousand years ago. Alcohol has been a staple of the economies and cultures of every civilization since the advent of agriculture. It is, in part, why we are here. Today there are six hundred bottles of alcohol for every human being on earth, which means that statistically, you... are beer? I don’t know how statistics work.

Now, is any of that accurate? I don’t know. I ran out of time today and didn’t look it up. But by the end of my time here, I will convince you that booze is far superior to its slacker cousin weed. To get us started, I’d like to propose a drinking game. Every time you think I make a good point, take a drink. Every time you think I make a bad point, take two drinks, and you’ll start to realize I was right all along.

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Any Fiction Can Be Written By Anyone
David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel

Any Fiction Can Be Written By Anyone

Who has a right to tell what pretend stories? The answer is simple: Anyone who doesn’t suck at writing.

Cummins’ American Dirt doesn’t take the story of immigrants away from actual immigrants. They have their stories. They should tell them. And here’s where the rub is: they must have the platform to tell those stories. That is, publishers ought to be looking for diverse voices. Not simply to fill a skin color or gender quota, but because diversity is a great thing for creativity. I don’t know what the publishing industry is like for a person of color. I do know that I’ve come across a lot of agents and publishers who are looking specifically for women and people of color, which rules me out. Which is why I think the diversity should be about the stories. What’s good? What’s got a new approach to a familiar tale? Perhaps that comes from fewer white men. Sure, I don’t care. That just makes me have to work harder to be better. Feels like a good challenge to have.

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The Molehill of the Pronoun Thing: A BUGHOUSE! Dialectic
Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall

The Molehill of the Pronoun Thing: A BUGHOUSE! Dialectic

If all of America was 100 people in a room, 65 of them would be white, 16 would be Hispanic, 13 would be black, 5 would be Asian, and the remaining one person would be everybody else. 52 would be women, 48 men. A whopping 95 would be heterosexual. Of the five left, just over half of one of them would be transgender.

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The Woke Are Activism Evolved
Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall

The Woke Are Activism Evolved

The best part about the art of the dialectic is that, by participating, one must pull the head from the ass of emotional attachment to opinions held deeply and look hard at those beliefs. Effectively, you gotta argue with yourself and, because it’s you battling your own shit, honesty is the default (if you do it correctly).

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A Merry Christmas Punch/CounterPunch On the Sensitive Topic of One Mr. George Bailey, Part Two
Joe Janes Joe Janes Joe Janes Joe Janes

A Merry Christmas Punch/CounterPunch On the Sensitive Topic of One Mr. George Bailey, Part Two

I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. It’s just so hard to argue something I no longer believe. Don Hall is right. George Bailey is not a good person. He never took a single step outside of Bedford Falls. His family lives in a drafty old house that he used to throw rocks at. He has a kid named Zuzu. Zuzu—short for Pazuzu, the demon from The Exorcist… I just, I can’t.

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Jesus Would Kick Santa’s Ass
Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall

Jesus Would Kick Santa’s Ass

This debate is about who represents the holiday we know as Christmas the best. For this purpose, I see both figures more like Marvel X-Men than real life creatures, so come with me on the comparison train!

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Thanksgiving: It’s All About Football and Farts, Bro
Brett Dworski Brett Dworski

Thanksgiving: It’s All About Football and Farts, Bro

But Thanksgiving morning—oof. That’s the best. Since I was in third grade, every Thanksgiving morning, my childhood friends and I play seven-on-seven football. It’s the best. We freeze our nuts off at Willow Stream Park and all pretend we’re the next Tom Brady. You know, the Jewish one. Some of us don’t give a shit about the game and smoke doobies on the sideline, while others get overly competitive and call plays like the Annexation of Puerto Rico. We come home with chapped lips, bruised elbows, muddy clothes, and churning stomachs. Turkey Bowl is the most fun I have every November. Not because of the game itself, though, but because I get to see friends who’ve moved to San Francisco, San Diego, New York, Seattle, and even Beijing. Our annual game is my real Thanksgiving celebration—and I’m thankful for it.

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Humans are Inherently Good
Contributor Contributing Writer Contributor Contributing Writer

Humans are Inherently Good

I truly believe now that we are all inherently good and are trying our best. We may fail a lot. But we really are good.

Exhibit A: Love. Love, actually, is all around. With few exceptions, we inherently love our families and our friends.

Exhibit B: Look around you. Look how many people are currently not murdering someone.

That’s good. High five, all of you.

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Humans are Scum
Contributor Contributing Writer Contributor Contributing Writer

Humans are Scum

I cannot express how excited I am. Because over the past couple weeks since I was assigned this topic, I’ve been overwhelmed by this deep, dark despair. But in the next few minutes, I get to unload it all onto you, and then I can resume the carefree complacency to which I’ve grown accustomed.

You. People. Suck.

 It’s true and you all know it and here are seven reasons why.

Read More
Loving Your Country is Like Loving Your Child
Contributor David Himmel Contributor David Himmel

Loving Your Country is Like Loving Your Child

I love my daughter more than anything. I am devoted to her. I would die to defend her.

But that doesn’t mean I defend or justify every single thing she does. When she tries to claw her mother’s eyes out because she hasn’t peeled a banana fast enough, I let her know that that shit is not acceptable. My love for her motivates me to help her not be an asshole. I want her to succeed at being a worthwhile person. I want her to realize her full potential. Which I’ll again briefly mention is enormous, probably greater than your kids’, if you have them.

This brings me to love of country; patriotism.

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Whose Idea Is It Anyway? The Terminator, The Infinite Wrench, and BUGHOUSE!
Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall

Whose Idea Is It Anyway? The Terminator, The Infinite Wrench, and BUGHOUSE!

The format [curated open mic storytelling] is a rich canvas for the different shows to create new improvements on the skeleton and flesh it out in their specific artistic way. The format wasn’t stolen or plagiarized in these cases so much as stripped of specificity and re-clothed in improvements, making wholly unique live experiences for a completely different audience.

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Gentrification is a Progressive Boon
David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel

Gentrification is a Progressive Boon

Think of how much better your life is with a neighborhood Target. You can get your clothes, your groceries, electronics and prescriptions filled all at one stop. You can’t do that at a small business shoe store or a bodega or a Radio Shack or a standalone pharmacy. And those smaller stores employ only a handful of people. Each Target employs hundreds. Sometimes those small stores are family owned and operated, so only one family makes the money. With Target, hundreds of families are able to earn money, in some cases with health benefits, too. This would not be possible without gentrification — without the renovation of a deteriorated neighborhood.

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