![I Believe… [Christmas 2019]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1576785064615-50G7BVP5OA3KTDK1HFRS/IMG_2569.jpeg)
I Believe… [Christmas 2019]
I believe… that the older you get, the less you want (unless it’s pharmaceuticals and sleep and then you want it all). Do your AARP family member a solid and gift them generic drugs from Canada and room for a lot of naps this holiday season.
![I Believe... [Advertisers Should Die Uncomfortably]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1545923119095-53ZUB4WH642Q44FKLYWP/63D3D89E-A10F-476D-AACA-F8F058399C12.JPG)
I Believe... [Advertisers Should Die Uncomfortably]
..that after spending a week plus in Kansas, I can say that the worst thing about this country and the lives of a vast swath of its citizens is having to endure television advertising. Fucking Geico commercials can destroy even Godfather Part II. It’s like having an annoying 14-year old keep interrupting your show every fifteen minutes to poke you in the chest repeatedly, make armpit farts, and twerk to mouth-made beats. For three fucking hours.
![I Believe… [Christmas Day 2017]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1513445083784-O7PB4HGMUVLU2FEMSQ3K/yorick2.jpg)
I Believe… [Christmas Day 2017]
…that Christmas makes me realize how fragile we all are and how brilliantly heroic it is to simply survive on a ball of rock hurtling through space. We thrive in spite of our natures and the yin-yang of the best and worst parts of us is what makes humanity remarkable.
Christmas is a time for giving, being with family and friends, and hating every other asshole out there in the shops and on the roads also trying to spread joy and share in the Christmas spirit. Similarly, Hanukkah is a time for Jewish people to desperately try to feel relevant during Christmastime.