![I Believe… [Too Much Absence]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1730684696431-9LG56F84KEH4VEPSQ13U/IMG_2287+2.JPG)
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of January 10, 2022
Want evidence that humanity sucks? Look no further than a parking garage and the way humans park far outside lines and leave their SUVs in spots marked “Small Car Only.”
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I Believe... [Rush Who?]
I believe... that hearing that Rush Limbaugh has passed on affects me much in the same way as when I hear about someone I heard yelling about something once in a high school auditorium and then promptly blocked the memory from existence.
A Pandemic Theater Prepares
St. Mark’s Community Theater makes sure Neil Simon’s “The Odd Couple” is as safe as possible.
Zip, Zop, ZAP! Turn The Second City into a Laser Tag Arena
This Year of Our Lord, 2020, has revealed quite a few things about us. The recurring theme is that it’s high time our greatest institutions must die. The mighty must fall. So, as someone who interned at The Second City, went through several training programs, produced plays for its stages, here’s what I suggest happen to that theater: Turn it into a laser tag facility. Call it Zip, Zop, ZAP!
You may argue that now is not the time to open a new business, what with the pandemic and all. But laser tag is the perfect pandemic business.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | A Eulogy for Donald Trump
On his tomb stone is inscribed, “This is Obama’s fault.”
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 24, 2020
You can trust a cop, but you’re a fool to trust the police.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - Online Romance!
We can get to know one another before deciding the desire to have sex is greater than the desire to avoid death.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 10, 2020
A lot of people have gotten new puppies during this pandemic. Look, if you need an excuse to go outside, just start smoking. It’s cheaper and cleaner. And I’ve never had to scrub cigarette poo-poo out of a carpet.
pANDEMIC eCCENTRIC
I hope things never go back to how they were. That normal wasn’t normal. Lost to digitized history seemed to be leisure with gravity, interstitial tranquility. The accuracy of vacancy. Nilness.
I want to lose track of days and check the time only to be surprised at the lateness of the hour. Dusk looming, innocent as a satellite.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 29, 2020
Humor is not a universal language. It is, by nature and design, intended for siloing. Even the greatest broad comedy has its haters. The closest thing to universally accepted comedy is Jay Leno and, c’mon, fuck Jay Leno.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 15, 2020
This COVID-19 pandemic is worse than 9/11 because we can’t hug each other.
The Time When Your Character is Defined
We don’t get to pick the times when we are tested. We don’t have control over those moments in history when who we are as humans is defined. All we can do is choose in those moments what kind of mettle of which we are made.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 9, 2020
Slowly but surely, if the U.S. doesn’t get its hands and head around this pandemic, it will consume us. It will destroy the markets because of fear, quarantines, and no one spending. We’ll crumble before we come out of it. And our leader is so unbelievably clueless to it. The health officials have to contradict him with the facts at every turn. Everyone thought it was a joke. Nope. Idiots. All of us. And Tom Hanks is going to die. That is our ultimate punishment.
Enjoying the Perks of Novel Coronavirus COVID-19
COVID-19 is coming for our favorite food, our favorite professional sports league that doesn’t have cheating champion teams, and the one Baby Boomer white man of all America can get behind. Things seem bleak. But after spending forty years in this body and several thousands of dollars on therapy, I am well-equipped to find the silver lining in any situation. I’d tell you that I’m a positive person in moments of crisis, but I feel that telling you I’m positive in this climate would only scare you off.