Creepy Old Guy
I don’t know how I missed you being a creep from the start. Your park ranger hat and fake limp should have given it away. But, I was blinded. I was blinded by compassion toward your loneliness. I felt for your sad life. Per your description, your 65 years on Earth was without family or real connection to another human being. Your vulnerability in opening up and telling our a Capella group how you have not had a place to go for the holidays in decades broke our hearts.
...that, if taken through the lens of truck stops and gas stations throughout the Midwest, Reese’s has taken over the world.