Julianne's Money
Being an escort for me was like being a scrapbooker on Etsy for most other single moms trying to pick up some extra money. The only difference was that I could make a few thousand bucks for one hour of potential discomfort versus making a few hundred for several hours of suffering through handmade clip art. I’m a pretty open-minded person, but I cannot for one second believe that there is any joy in being hunched over a desk, cutting and pasting other people’s memories together. It seems so lonely and juvenile.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of September 10, 2017
• Maybe I should be reading instead of watching Voltron: Legendary Defender.
Not Wanting to be Married is the Secret to a Happy Marriage
I have always preferred being by myself, especially before or after big social events. And there is no bigger, more social event than one’s own wedding. I needed to focus—submerge myself under the water, fight its resistance, smooth out my breathing, stretch my muscles—become totally in tune with my whole self. This would be the last moments I would ever have to be alone as a man without jewelry. Unless, of course, I got divorced. But I didn’t want to consider that on my wedding day. I may be a cynic when it comes to matters of the heart but I’m not a monster.
Notes from the Post-it Wall – Week of September 3, 2017
• I'm not big on claiming divine intervention, but when I consider the number and magnitude of the storms, and the wildfires that have beaten the hell out of our country's topography, and injured, killed or displaced so many Americans, it's difficult for me not to conclude that God actively hates America's guts and he is trying to run us out of town.
Beyoncé’s Lemonade Suckers
Box sets bring in the best and more of your previous life and remind you of what you were and what you can be. Usually, by the time these things are released, we’ve forgotten ourselves. Maybe we’ve forgotten the songs and the bands who made them. We need these box sets all these years later.
Beyoncé’s How to Make Lemonade does none of this. And not because it doesn’t have the ability to do so but because it hasn’t given itself enough time to be able to do so. It hasn’t earned enough street cred.
Fox News Readers’ Choice
From this unofficial and institutionally unsponsored study and collection of evidence, it can be determined that Fox News readers—enough to set the trend for online news—are kings and queens of perversion and avoiding the hard truth that their president, their country and their world are going to absolute hell in a weighted handbag that is already engulfed in flames. But hey, at least Sofia Varga is posing completely nude at 45. (And that’s her age, not President Trump, you sickos.)
Notes from the Post-it Wall – Week of August 27, 2017
• It’s unfortunate that it takes national disasters, like what Hurricane-turned Tropical Storm Harvey did to Houston, to bring out the best in people...
The Burning of Bad Leroy Brown
The heat was impressive, a near 1,700 degrees. He pushed Leroy into the oven. Before Leroy was halfway in, his feet burst into flames. Black smoke from the cardboard rose up the flue. Three more shoves and Leroy was in, his entire body now consumed with flames.
Notes from the Post-it Wall – Week of August 20, 2017
• If you think Colin Kaepernick is the problem and that Nazis are kind of OK in certain situations, you might be a redneck.*
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of August 13, 2017
• In these turbulent times, sometimes it is best to get in bed and pull the covers way up over your head. Just don’t Dutch Oven yourself.
Financing Disappointment
At that moment, Lou had eight thousand-five hundred dollars to his name. Give or take the few bucks from his unemployment checks that would be left after trying to pay his credit card bills. Looking at the bank statement, it felt good having all of that money staring back at him. He didn’t want to ever spend it. But it was already as good as gone.
Lou drove to Goldberg Jewelers in Skokie and bought Michelle’s eight thousand-sixty-four dollar engagement ring.
“Congratulations,” said Art, shaking Lou’s hand.
“Thanks.”
In the parking lot by his car, Lou threw up.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of August 6, 2017
• I think that the best thing for all of us—this global community—is a nuclear war. It’ll remind us—those of us who are left—how devastating the nuclear option is. It’s been too long since anyone witnessed the destruction the Bomb wields and as a result, we’ve become desensitized to it, which is exactly why the two chubby children think it’s fun to throw threats of a fiery endgame around. So yeah, bring down the fury of hot hell. Maybe it’ll knock some sense into us. Bonus: I won’t have to worry about paying my quarterly taxes next time around.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of July 30, 2017
• Answering personality tests like the Meyers Briggs or something for my job is really hard for me. Which personality am I answering for? Mine, or the one I want you to think I have?
Notes from the Post-It Wall – Week of July 23, 2017
• There is nothing more unattractive to a woman than a vulnerable man.
Cookie, the Cat who Bit Me & Congress, the Sect that Hates Us
UPDATED: July 28, 2017, 6:13 a.m.
The members of Congress, generally, are a cat that terrorizes its counterparts and bullies helpless, fearful people. The majority of the United States Congress is Cookie; a nasty sonofabitch.
There's always been partisanship. However, it seems that partisanship has reached critical mass—that thing Malcolm Gladwell talks about in his very fucking boring book, The Tipping Point. Parties. Power. Influence. Money. These are the things the current Congress cares about. Consider the debate over healthcare.
Logging of the Family Tree
In a way, this crabapple tree is a lot like Shel Silverstein’s Giving Tree. The one difference being that we didn’t abuse it and take it for granted the way the little boy did in that story. The prick.
Notes from the Post-it Wall – Week of July 16, 2017
• I have a sex playlist on Spotify called “David’s Sex Playlist.” It’s all break up songs.
San Francisco's Race Problem
The Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) system, which serves the San Francisco Bay area is having some problems. In the last 90 or so days, three attacks on its riders have been perpetrated by a group of teenagers. The attacks have included robberies, beatings, harassments—you know, general mischievous teenage behavior gone terribly awry.
The hooligans haven’t been caught. And part of the reason for that is BART’s fault. It’s not releasing the surveillance videos.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of July 9, 2017
• If you’re mad that Patton Oswalt is engaged a little more than a year after his first wife died, you’re a jerk. Simple as that. Who are you to understand one person’s heart and how it heals and what it needs and how it loves? You need to reduce your desire for outrage and leave people alone.
The Opening Campfire: An (alternative) Introduction to "A Camp Story" – Author's Cut
My biggest concern, beyond not knowing anyone and just generally hating camp, was that I was going to spend a summer in the woods surrounded by swarms of big, disgusting, loud cicadas. It was 1990 and the 17-year cicadas had taken over Chicago. I had killed so many with such bloodlust that I convinced myself the winged beasts in Decatur had gotten word of me and were plotting their revenge for their brethren.
Solitude is a sure way to avoid pain. I’ve waded in those waters before. Specifically with romance. But life is and must be a balance. Be flexible. Go with resistance. Be satisfied with life even it has you feeling the way you don’t want to feel. Protect yourself, push yourself. Balance. Survive. Find little ways to thrive in big ways.