Bring Back Breakfast

Follow me on this.

Let's say I was a part of a club. I joined the club because it was comprised of some intelligent and sober folks—we all had in common a simple belief that pancakes, eggs and bacon were just about the best meal any time of day. And we got together to eat breakfast and talk about other breakfast foods and tell jokes and enjoy our time together. Sometimes we'd disagree about whether maple syrup was better than blueberry but, for most part we were unified in our agreements about the fundamentals: pancakes, eggs and bacon.

We became known as the Breakfast Club.

Sure, the Supper Club across town was an informal enemy—there was always a bit of a power struggle about what food items were suitable in the local 24-hour greasy spoon—but we found ways to get along.

And, then one day, a few people joined the Breakfast Club. They brought friends and they decided that the Breakfast Club should pray at every sitting. Reasonable enough, we all agreed. But then these new folks started pushing a racist, homophobic agenda. Only white, straight people could eat breakfast. And the wives and girlfriends could make the breakfast but not eat with the men. These new people were pushy and angry and started giving the Breakfast Club a bad name in town.

Soon enough, instead of being known for our simple enjoyment of pancakes, eggs and bacon, our club had become synonymous with these other, intolerant attitudes.

One would think that those of who started the club and were long time members would kick these new members out rather than be known, by association, as ideological breakfast thugs and bigoted fuckfaces. One would think that those of us less strident and zealous might distance ourselves from these stupid asshats.

I know that not ALL Republicans are jackasses. Some just like breakfast.

But when members of their club ban Muslims from entering the country or fight aggressively against the interests of the rest of the population or argue ceaselessly about the scientific validity of man-made climate change and the rights of gays and women, one would think they would just get rid of the rabid, foaming dickweeds before their Breakfast Club becomes synonymous with their nonsensical, xenophobic fucking BULLSHIT.

Because eventually no one will want to eat breakfast anymore if things continue the way they are.