I Believe... [No Body Positivity for Fat Dudes]

...that anyone surprised that the Bros. Cuomo stuck together knows nothing of Italians or brothers.

...that body positivity as a concept is exclusively for women because no one wants to claim big fat dudes are owning their best selves when they decide to become burlesque dancers as a therapeutic measure.

...that unless you’re my mother, you don’t get a birthday ‘month.’

...that if there is any reason to completely ignore the intellectual pinings of twenty-year-old people it is that I’ve never met anyone in their forties who looks back and says “I was NOT an idiot when I was in my twenties.”

...that Justice Kavanaugh signs his legal opinions with the quote “There is no ‘i’ in gaslight.”