Four Republicans Likely to End up in Jail Complain about Jail

Here they are posing for Mount Mush-Roar.

by Joe Janes

Four house republicans held a news conference to complain about the poor conditions of the D.C. jails in which insurrectionists are being held while they await trial. The representatives were Marjorie Taylor Greene, Matt Gaetz, Paul Gosar, and Louie Gohmert. On stage together, they looked like Mount Rushmore, if Mount Rushmore was made out of pork rinds and bath salts. They are claiming the insurrectionists are being singled out, presumably by prison liberals (?), and being treated like…prisoners?

Some of their complaints include….

-      Prisoners are being forced to wear orange jump suits that clash with their red ball caps

-      Prison food doesn’t include a “super-size” option

-      Toilet wine doesn’t come with crackers

-      Prison-issue underwear rides up over Nazi flag tramp stamps

-      They are separated from their families. Nope. That’s a typo. They are separated from their guns.

-      The free medical care is a slippery slope towards socialism

-      Useful skills being taught in workshops don’t include how to properly build a gallows

-      Not allowed to Tweet

-      There’s a library and they have books in it

-      Other prisoners hog the Stairmaster and don’t wipe down the weight machines 

-      Defendants are being forced to learn Critical Race Theory*

-      Too many black people. Don’t they have their own jails?

BTW – The conditions of the facilities are a problem and people have been trying to do something about it for years. It wasn’t until there was an influx of white republican prisoners did it get any attention. 

*     Not a joke

Violent insurrectionists believe they are being mistreated.