I Believe... [Be Fucking Grateful]

...that despite the ‘hair on fire’ pronouncements of recently fired employees of Twitter that the platform will die without them, they weren’t as indispensable as they thought.

...that any nominee running for public office who is not in danger of accidentally shitting him or herself and can remember the date would be a solid alternative.

...that the majority of people across the country are reading about tech companies laying off workers with the exact same apathy as those tech workers had when they read about coal workers being laid off or shopping malls closing down.

...that the holiday isn’t about the food or the genocide—it’s about being fucking grateful. Practice a bit of gratitude and maybe you won’t be such bitter, partisan sonofabitch. Also, grab a plate of root vegetables and offer your indigenous neighbors a blanket covered in small pox cuz covering all bases is the American way.

...that if I paid $44 billion for something, it’s mine to do with as I please. Christ, if I pay $5 for a coffee and you tell me how to drink it or how much sugar I should put in it, I’d tell you seek the password “gofuckyourself.” Yes, that’s a Confess, Fletch reference.