Why Donald Trump was in Virginia NOT Golfing
Donald Trump not golfing. Smart important businessman things are being discussed. You wouldn’t understand. Don’t worry your pretty little head.
by Joe Janes
Donald Trump flew into DC recently unannounced and departed his plane wearing golf shoes. Well, of course, the LAMEstream media went nuts speculating that it was either a medical emergency or he was being indicted. I guess being a dreamer isn’t just for illegal immigrants pouring into our country like a bottomless bag of Doritos. What the libsharts forget is that Donald Trump is a businessman. A very smart businessman. He often does businessman things. That’s what he was doing at a golf course he owns surrounded by an entourage of lawyers and trusted advisers and Eric.
Need more explanation?
This is the perfect letter he is sending to the new ruler of the United Kingdom.
From the Desk of Donald J. Trump
45th (and counting) President of the United States
Dear King Chuck,
Just wanted to say that I am sorry for your loss. My mother was the queen of the house in my family, so I know how tough it can be to lose someone you’re stuck with for life. You can’t divorce your mom, am I right? Probably even harder with the whole royalty thing you’ve got going on there.
In the spirit of goodwill between our countries, I have an offer that is so good, your people will think you’re a royal idiot if you pass it up. I was just at my DC golf course in Virginia. Beautiful place. Everyone says so. I included a link to it below. Someone told me Virginia was one of our first colonies. I thought it had always been a state. Who knew? This was back when jolly old England still ruled our country. Those were the days! Given all the horrible democratic presidents we have had, we sure do regret that whole revolution thing now. Look at Canada! They just shut up and took it and they’re doing okay. Kings and queens are the way to go! Now, I don’t know what you usually do. Bury the queen in the front yard of the palace or something probably. Or stuff her and stick her up in one of those towers. Just another pain for you to deal with.
Ship her over here and we’ll take good care of her on my golf course!
One of my wives died not too long ago and we buried her on my golf course in Jersey. She loved the outdoors and drinking while watching me play. I bet the Queen loved the outdoors, too. When I was there, just before she knighted me in private, we were outside. It looked like she was enjoying herself. The weather’s better here than in rainy England, so you don’t have to worry about her casket or crown rusting or anything. It’s a great deal. You pay for the shipping and my grounds guy will take care of the burial. Come over any time to visit. We’ll hit the links together! I think the best spot for her would be near the ninth hole. We can also make her the ninth hole, if you like. People can pay their respects with a bankshot off her gravestone. There’s a nice pond nearby, too.
Like I said, it’s a sweet deal. Take me up on it and maybe you’ll do me a favor someday, such as let me stay indefinitely at one of your castles. Just in case I need to quickly leave my country. Not that there’s anything going on here I can’t handle. I’m sure you’ve heard of witch hunts. Didn’t you guys invent them?
Fair swap, right? A dead queen for a live smart businessman in perfect health. I can even help you out. Negotiate some deals for you. Maybe help you get all of Ireland. Here’s a freebie. Start charging for healthcare. You’ll make a mint!
Sincerely, Donald J. Trump
P.S. Link to my golf course. Click HERE.
This is just a mock up, but what a great way to remember the queen.