The World Is Depressed (Not Me)
A parody of Tom Wait’s “The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me)”
The world is depressed
The bedspreads want to sleep
And the protests are flailing and defunct
Apartment buildings full of plumbing leaks
And the radiators stopped generating heat
Freezing fingers and toes diabetes speak
The cable TV witnesses its own demise
Modems are giving up the will to try
And the world is depressed
The world is depressed
Refrigerators feel emptiness
Ice cubes want to cry
Kitchens have lost the will to live
Health insurance claims feel sad when they’re denied
And the politicians are incompetent and corrupt
And the world is depressed
The world is depressed
‘Cause the populace is delusional
Bullshit-believing dupes of populism
And no one is smart enough to fix all the problems
without making more of a mess
‘Cause the world is depressed
The world is depressed
And you can’t find hope anywhere
Even with a metal detector
And everyone hates you and themselves
and you just can’t get anything done
without them
And the dogs are mauling children
And the forests are on fire
And the internet is full of psychobabble
And cancer wards are overtired
And the world is depressed
the world is depressed
the world is depressed
(not me
not me
not me
not me
not me)