![I Believe… [Hurricanes Give CNN Staffers Boners]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1536963404307-FV7F9XH7S8G61Q2DJTEE/ibelieve....jpg)
I Believe… [Hurricanes Give CNN Staffers Boners]
…that as horrifying as the latest hurricane is/was, all I can see in my mind’s eye is CNN programmers furiously masturbating (with consent from the female staffers, of course) as the ratings go higher and higher because nothing sells ads more than American disasters.
...that, if taken through the lens of truck stops and gas stations throughout the Midwest, Reese’s has taken over the world.