Oh My God! Jimmy Carter is Jesus Christ!
Jimmy Carter was kind, soft spoken, came from humble beginnings. He was religious and considerate of those who were in need—the American people. Carter won the presidency over Ford because we wanted an outsider. We wanted someone who was good. And so we elected a peanut farmer to be our leader. And his presidency was the second coming.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Space Poop Jesus!
“Where you see one set of footprints is where I continued walking and you took a golf cart.”
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | The Inn Keeper vs. The Christ Family
Joseph: We paid our bill.
Inn Keeper: You paid for two people and a mule.
Mary: Are you trying to charge us for our baby Jesus?
Joseph: She gave birth in straw. Straw!
Inn Keeper: Exactly! Blood everywhere. Have you ever tried to clean straw?
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Father's Day Edition
Seeing your infant son play Slap the Bag with your wife’s breast is pretty damn funny.
He Was Born Of A Non-Virgin Non-Mary
He was born of a non-virgin non-Mary.
He was born a month prematurely, disrupting his mother’s plans for a large feast of Italian beef sandwiches, dipped, with all the fixings.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – The Inn Keeper v The Christ Family
"They ate my wife’s everything bagels. I think I am being very reasonable."
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - Archangel Alliance
“Whaddup, motherfuckers? Don’t mind me. I’m not here. You go ahead and just do your thang. Your sweet, sweet thang. Seriously, Michael. Go on ahead. Ignore me. I’m cool.” — God
Recent Memory, Case File #00001: The Ground Zero Mosque
And, now, a monthly look back at what had made the news over the past 5 to 20 years, and if it still matters to this day.
What Was News? The “Ground Zero Mosque”.
Do You Have a Personal Relationship with Joe Janes?
"Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?"
Ordinarily, I just avoid the spiraling pit of nonsense discussion that entering into this question/trap opens up. I know that the fact that I do not have a personal relationship with a long dead carpenter who, in legend, resembles Paul Bunyan crossed with Smokey the Bear is going to start a pseudo-psychological debate about my life and the void that I have in it.
Not this time. Just not in the mood.
Since my brothers and I no longer fight on a weekly basis like bony Gallagher Brothers, and we’ve moved past our Mommy and Daddy Issues, I’m at a point where I think the Himmels should once again, come together and strike out on our own. The parts and people are already in place.
We’ll call it Himmel Family Planning. “The family built to help you build your family!” We have an expert to help facilitate and elevate every stage of the family lifecycle.