Woke Super Bowl Commercials
David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel

Woke Super Bowl Commercials

Volkswagen – “Schindler’s Car”

Popular VW models transform into one another through the decades bringing us to today.

[V.O. – MAN]
A lot has changed in eighty years.
The way we live. The way we drive. The way we don’t kill Jews.
The all new 2019 Volkswagen Jetta. It’s not a Jew killer. 

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Is Marketing the Root of All Evil?
David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel

Is Marketing the Root of All Evil?

Gillette doesn’t feel like a sales pitch. It feels genuine. It is a marketing success. But also, “Buy our razors because Dollar Shave Club and Harry’s ain’t woke like we are.” There’s just no escaping it, for-profit companies need our money, and they’ll do anything to get it. In this case, Gillette did it right.

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Did I Just Witness a #MeToo Moment?
David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel

Did I Just Witness a #MeToo Moment?

So, did I just witness a #MeToo moment? Was I the guy who pushed through her personal space? Did I assault her sensibilities? Did I make her feel uncomfortable?

Maybe. Probably. But I doubt she’ll make a big deal of it to her friends — assuming she has any. I think that young woman operates in a state of perpetual annoyance. The city and its people and its Starbucks electrical outlets are nothing more than inconveniences hellbent on ruining her day. It’s her world and the rest of us are mere pigeons shitting on her head.

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Spock and Valerie Solanas Meet for a Coffee Date at the Big Starbucks in the Sky
Elizabeth Harper Elizabeth Harper Elizabeth Harper Elizabeth Harper

Spock and Valerie Solanas Meet for a Coffee Date at the Big Starbucks in the Sky

Valerie, to Spock: One concern I have is your allegiance to logic and rationality, which, while admirable in itself, has traditionally and nominally been used to silence and stupefy females. Males accuse females of being irrational and emotional in order to delegitimize the experience of females and deny the relevance of their emotions, when in fact, emotions—especially anger, hatred, and love — are perfectly logical.

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Grandiose Romanticism or Politics: Zombies Drinking Lattes
Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall

Grandiose Romanticism or Politics: Zombies Drinking Lattes

The fact that in all zombie stories, we are the zombies seems to get lost in the tales of the survivors. We are the masses of unthinking, brain-eating undead creatures shambling about looking for the living. Next season, I hope they give the hordes of flesh connoisseurs access to a zombie Faceborg and the allegory will be updated.

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I Believe... [You Aren’t Boycotting Starbucks...]
I Believe..., Don Hall Don Hall I Believe..., Don Hall Don Hall

I Believe... [You Aren’t Boycotting Starbucks...]

...that, while the woman calling the cops to arrest the two black men in a Phillie Starbucks is complete and utter anal weeping, you aren’t boycotting Starbucks any more than you are deleting your Faceborg account or boycotting the NFL. And what would happen if you did? Would Starbucks cease to hire marginally racist white women as managers — in Philadelphia? 

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