The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Maclunkey Wars!
Only Greedo and Han hold the MaclunKEY.
Disneyland, Anaheim, California
Reimagineering Department
Wednesday, November 13, 2019 10am
Attendance: Kathleen Kennedy, Bob Iger, George Lucas
Kathleen – Congratulations on the roll out of Disney +, Bob.
Bob – Thanks, Kathleen. It would not have been as successful without our acquisition of Star Wars.
George – It’s probably the only reason.
Bob – Well…Marvel…Us….
Kathleen – We are happy to be a part of the Disney Corporation. Thank you for having a meeting with us on such short notice.
George – Let’s cut right to it. I want to change a few things in Star Wars: Episode Four, A New Hope, Here We Go Again.
Bob – Here we go again?
George – Oh. Yes. I also want to change the title.
Bob – We just added “Maclunkey” for some reason…
George – That addition is to show depth and history between Guido and Han.
Kathleen – He means Greedo.
George – Unless I change it.
Bob – Fans haven’t always liked your changes, George.
George – Did they write Star Wars? Who wrote Star Wars? Who directed Star Wars? Who got Alec Guinness to do Star Wars? The fans don’t tell the creators what they want. That’s backwards.
Kathleen – I think what George is saying is how exciting it would be to have the world of Star Wars be so alive, so fluid, so change-y.
Bob – What do you want to change, George?
George – Just a few things. Easy fixes, really. Shouldn’t cost more than a few million dollars. I want to change Han saying that he made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
Bob – Well, okay, that makes sense-
George – It should be five parsecs. Han Solo is really fast.
Bob – A parsec is a unit of distance, not time.
Kathleen – Maybe here it is. “Long ago in a galaxy far away”, it could mean something totally different. Like the metric system.
George – It means really, really fast.
Bob – Can you just e-mail me your list, George?
George – No. I only have it on this legal pad written in pencil. I wrote it this morning while I ate an entire bag of potato chips. Another change I want to make is when Darth Vader has Princess Leia in a cell and a torture droid is hovering over her. I want to add Vader saying, “You scream like your mother. I should know because I am your father.”
Kathleen – Intense. It raises the stakes.
Bob – I don’t remember her screaming.
George – We’ll add a scream.
Bob - Doesn’t that kind of ruin the moment in Empire when Luke finds out Vader is his father?
George – Everyone knows Vader is his father. It’s not a surprise anymore. But nobody knows that Leia already knows.
Bob – Does Leia know Luke is her brother when she kisses her?
Kathleen – No—
George – YES! Long ago and far away, it was customary for brothers and sisters to make out. Extensively!
Bob – George… I’ll have my team take a look at these. We’ll see what we can do, I guess. As long as you don’t add anything about midichlorians!
George – No. No midichlorians. Yet. But I do want to change something at the end of Empire, when you’re ready to talk about that. Instead of freezing Han in carbonite, I want to put him in a refrigerator.
Bob – In a refrigerator? Does the Star Wars universe even have refrigerators?
Kathleen – Of course, Bob. How else do they keep that blue milk from spoiling?
George – Oh! I also want to add blue cows!
George Lucas also wants to make changes to t-shirts.